


Lullaby Nightmares

by FiraBloom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Boy-Who-Lived Neville Longbottom, Family Issues, Fix-It of Sorts, Gray Harry, Harry Dreams About a (Somewhat) Canon Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, alive potters, but not really, overprotective Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiraBloom/pseuds/FiraBloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has always had the dreams. For as long as he can remember, he has had nightmares, but when he wakes up he can never remember what the nightmares were about. He doesn't remember the dreams of a different life. One where his Mum and Dad were dead, and he was the Boy-Who-Lived. He doesn't remember the trials he faced, the torture he went through. What happens when Harry does remember? And how will it affect the war?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stupid Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everybody! There's something that just wouldn't leave my thoughts so I decided to write it. I hope you all like it and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter no matter how much I wish I did.

_ Harry gasped for breath as he ran through the forest. It was too dark; he couldn’t see, but he could hear the loud shouts and snapping of branches behind him. He should have known better. He had made a stupid mistake and said Tom’s name by accident. Yes, it was an honest mistake, but he should have known better. People can’t afford to make stupid mistakes during war; that’s how they wind up dead. _

_ He had been running for days now. Every time he thought he had given them the slip, they’d show up shortly after, and he would have to disapparate to a different spot and pray they wouldn’t find him this time. The only theory he had as to how the Death Eaters were following him so easily was that they had somehow managed to hit him with a tracking spell of sorts shortly after he had said Tom’s name. It was extremely likely. The fight following that forbidden word had been a blur. He could have very easily been hit with a tracker. _

_ Harry didn’t even know if his friends were still alive. The Death Eaters had caught Ron during the first day of running. Although the boy was the most athletic one of the trio, he wasn’t the fastest and, as a result, got hit by a stray stunner. They caught Hermione shortly after. She and Harry had disapparated to a small town in France that Hermione had once visited. They had stopped to make a trans-Atlantic portkey in hopes that they would get some relief in America, but the Death Eaters found them before they could leave. The last thing Harry saw of Hermione was her wide, terrified, brown eyes as she shoved the portkey in his hands and whispered a quiet ‘good luck’ before activating it. Harry prayed to whatever god there was that they were still alive. _

_ A startled gasp left his lips as his foot caught and painfully twisted on a tree root causing him to come crashing down to the forest floor loudly. Harry scrambled to get up, but the shouts were already upon him before he could even stand. A sharp kick to his ribs pushed him onto his back, and he stared blankly up at the Death Eaters surrounding him. They had already taken so much from him; he wasn’t going to let them enjoy his terror. _

_ The man who had kicked him, Rodolphus, his mind quietly supplied, smiled down maliciously at him. Harry wasn’t frightened by his display but grudgingly admitted that the rotting, yellow teeth, matted hair, and ragged robes he was wearing did make him look as terrifying as his wife. Too bad Harry had already been through so much that things that scared most people wouldn’t scare him. _

_ “Time’s up, Potter. The Dark Lord wishes to see you now,” Rodolphus said with that same deranged smile. The comeback on the tip of his tongue was quickly forgotten when the Death Eater put the tip of his wand to his Dark Mark. Blinding pain seared through his head, his scar pulsing with his heartbeat. A scream tore its way out of his throat before he could stop it. The Dark Lord was coming. _

Harry James Potter woke up with a strangled scream. He quickly sat up and scanned his room looking for any hidden foes. There were the same scarlet walls that he had seen all his life. There were his posters of the Falmouth Falcons, his favorite quidditch team, and the Weird Sisters. His eyes lingered over the pictures of his family. ‘ _ See _ ,’ the voice in his head drawled, ‘ _ You’re home. Not in the middle of a battlefield about to take on You-Know-Who. Get a grip. _ ’ His breathing began to calm as he relaxed. He was right. He was home. Everything was fine. It was just a nightmare.

The door to his room slammed open, smacking against his bedroom wall. Harry jumped and immediately let the residual adrenaline from his nightmare take over. He flipped over the edge of the bed and pointed his wand at the intruders.

“Harry, are you alright!?! We heard screaming-” a loud male voice called out before abruptly stopping once he saw Harry hiding behind the bed. Harry blinked a couple of times before wincing slightly and lowering his wand. He hadn’t been prepared for them so soon after a nightmare. If he had, he wouldn’t have reacted the way he did, but here he was, taking cover behind his bed and pointing his wand at his parents like they would attack him at any moment.

An impatient sigh snapped Harry out of his thoughts. “I thought we were  _ over _ this, Harry. You said you were doing better.” his dad said, frustrated. Harry flinched back and burrowed into the small space between his bed and nightstand. Although James was standing in his doorway in his old, ratty pajama bottoms and a thin, blue bathrobe, he truly looked imposing when he was mad. His hazel eyes seemed to glow, and his hair seemed messier than usual.

“Oh, hush now, James! We’ll talk about this later!” his mother exclaimed as she pushed past him before rushing to Harry’s side, “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

Harry blushed and nodded hesitantly. He hated the way his mother talked to him sometimes. It was like she saw him as this weak, porcelain doll that needs to be protected. He almost hated it more than the way his father talked to him sometimes, all impatient and frustrated. Almost.

“Mummy?” a small girl in pink pajamas, clutched a teddy bear tightly to her chest as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, “Did Harry have another nightmare?”

Harry flushed even more at the statement. He was never going to live this down. Lily quickly abandoned her post by Harry in order to pick up his little, three-year-old sister. “Yes, sweetheart, but Harry’s doing much better now. Aren’t you, Harry?”

Harry mumbled a response and slunk down to the floor, the bed blocking his face from view. Lily sighed. “Come on, darling. You can talk to Harry tomorrow. Let’s get you to bed.”

Harry listened to her fading footsteps as she walked to his sister’s room. He stared down at his hands and waited for the other shoe to drop. His father sighed loudly before sitting down on Harry’s bed to look at him. “Harry, we’ve talked about this. Your dreams  _ aren’t _ real. You are perfectly safe at Godric’s Hollow. You have to get over this ridiculous fear, Harry-”  

“I can’t stop my nightmares, Dad,” Harry snarled, “And if you dreamed what I dreamed, you would be scared too.”

James sadly watched his son for a moment. Harry looked worse than usual. He was ghostly pale and had large, dark circles under his eyes. James reached down, careful to keep his hands in Harry’s line of sight and gently pulled his son back up onto the bed even though he was sixteen years old and far too old to be picked up like a child. He hugged Harry tightly to his chest and pulled the soft, Gryffindor blanket that covered the bed over their laps. “It’s okay to be scared, you know,” James finally whispered, “I just worry about you. These nightmares keep getting worse, and nothing we try to do helps. I  _ hate  _ this. I hate the fact that I can’t protect my own son when he so desperately needs it, and it’s  _ killing  _ me. Merlin, Harry, you have no idea how much I just want you to be safe and happy.”

“They’re getting better,” Harry muttered, “It’s not like I get them every night.” Harry hoped the lie wasn’t too obvious. He did have the dreams every night it was just a matter of remembering them. It didn’t matter how hard he tried sometimes, the memories seemed to fade away, making him unable to recall any specific details about them, but always leaving a dark sense of foreboding with him. The only time Harry could remember things clearly was whenever he was panicking and, sometimes, he would get faint feelings about certain people and places that made no sense. In fact, the one and only time his dad had taken him to work, he had burst into tears when the passed the Department of Mysteries during his ‘grand tour’. That was the last time he had gone to the Ministry. The only time the memories would actually rush to his aid instead of making him feel like an idiot was when he was in a fight or panicking. His instincts would heighten until after the end of the crisis when the memories would fade away again into a blurry haze of pain and suffering.

James pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head. “I know. I just worry about you.”

Harry nodded slightly, not knowing what to say to his father in order to stop him from worrying. He waited for a few minutes, but when it became obvious his father wasn’t going to return to his own room, Harry forced himself to relax and feigned sleep. James sat quietly for a few minutes, making sure Harry wasn’t about to enter another nightmare before carefully slipping out from behind Harry and tucking him into bed. “Sweet dreams, Harry,” James whispered before silently leaving the room and shutting the door behind him in the hopes that it would keep out whatever noise his younger brother and sister would make when they woke up in the morning.

When the door clicked closed, Harry’s eyes popped open. Like he would actually fall back to sleep after a nightmare like that. It was absolutely horrible. It… It…

Harry paused and groaned. He had already forgotten what had happened. Harry scrunched his eyes closed, trying to remember the dream. All he could remember was an overpowering fear and a blinding pain. After that, it was completely blank. Harry’s eyes snapped open, and he growled in frustration. Throwing off his covers, he stalked over to the messy desk in the corner of his room. He quickly opened the second drawer, dumped the miscellaneous junk out and took out the fake bottom of the drawer. He snatched the black, ragged journal and practically flew back to his bed. He had to write everything down before he could forget what little he  _ did  _ remember.

Harry flipped through the many, many,  _ many _ entrees. He had had the nightmares for as long as he could remember. When he was little, he would always go running to his parents after one of them, wailing for them to save him. As he grew older, he wouldn’t wake up screaming for help, but he would always tiptoe into his parents’ bedroom and curl into bed between them. That all changed when Julian was born. Harry was nine at the time, and his parents were already getting tired of his frequent nightmares. Things were becoming extremely tense with his parent's emotions fluctuating between worried and frustrated. Then Lily found out she was pregnant. Things changed overnight. Instead of worrying about the odd nightmares Harry had developed over the years, they focused all their attention onto the new baby, what they were going to name it, what the nursery was going to look like, and who would be the godparents. At first, he had been overjoyed at the thought of a younger brother, but as the weeks went by and his parents continued to ignore the fear he had for his nightmares, Harry began to dread the oncoming baby. If his parents were focused this much on the baby without it being born, how bad would it be after it was born? Harry even stopped going to them after a nightmare when Lily threw a fit and demanded he slept in his own room and get over his fears. Although she had apologized the next morning, and Harry knew her emotions were all over the place because of the pregnancy, he couldn’t bring himself to trust them again. He slowly began to resent the baby that had turned his family against him.

But the hatred didn’t last long. As soon as little Julian Alexander Potter was born, he knew he could never hate the tiny treasure. With his large hazel eyes, dark, ruby curls, and cute button nose, Julian wormed his way into Harry’s heart, and Harry knew he would do anything to protect the little boy. Julian was quiet and sweet in a way Harry had never seen before. It was obvious his little brother took after their mother instead of their father because he was brilliant. Harry taught him how to read by the age of two and Julian was already having bouts of accidental magic by the age of two and a half. Lily and James were ecstatic about their little prodigy. Harry didn’t even bother to remind them he had started performing accidental magic at six months old. It wouldn’t have mattered.

Two more years went on in this went on in this fashion until he turned eleven. Then just like a switch had been flipped his parents remembered him again. They were so excited for him to go to Hogwarts. In fact, they were so excited, they threw Harry a large surprise party for his eleventh birthday. That caused one of the worst days known to man.

The problem with surprise parties is the people throwing the party have to convince the person they’re throwing the party for that there isn’t a party. Lily and James did that a little too well. They barely even talked to Harry the week before his birthday, and when they did, they only snapped at him for not doing his chores. By the time his birthday had rolled around, Harry was convinced his parents had truly forgotten his birthday. Surprisingly that didn’t bother him too much. His parents had forgotten about him many times after Julian was born so why should he be surprised they forgot him on his birthday?

But since it was his eleventh birthday, Harry decided he was going to do something special even if his parents weren’t. He got up extremely early the morning of his birthday (six-thirty a.m., which was unheard of in the Potter household), grabbed some money he had managed to save over the years and sneaked into Julian’s room. They were going to go on Julian’s first outing in the Wizarding World. Harry quietly and carefully picked up the sleeping two-year old who woke up immediately and smiled happily at his old brother. After grabbing changing him out of his pajamas and grabbing his diaper bag, Harry slipped out of the house, waving off the wards, and crept down the street. Harry quickly made sure he was alone on the street before calling his magic to his fingertips, a trick he learned when he was little when he wanted to shock somebody. A loud bang filled the alley as the Knight Bus appeared in front of him. Harry only allowed himself a small smile of success before he boarded the bus and ordered it to go to Diagon Alley.

At home, his parents had decided to get up early as well. They carefully slipped downstairs, not wanting to wake Julian or Harry, and began decorating. They quickly began to fill the room with colorful balloons and streamers (and so what if there were more red and gold than any other color). Lily enchanted large, sparkling letters to hang from the ceiling that said ‘Happy Birthday Harry!!!’, and began to make an extravagant breakfast of all Harry’s favorite foods while James began to quietly usher guests into the living room.

At that same moment, Harry was wandering around Diagon Alley in amazement. He had never been there by himself; his parents were always too worried he would have an adverse reaction to something to let him go anywhere by himself. Julian was giggling happily, amazed by all the pretty colors. Harry made his way to Ollivander’s, not bothering to hurry. His parents wouldn’t wake up until eight so he had an hour and a half to enjoy his freedom.

He entered Ollivander’s with a bright smile. He was finally going to get his own wand. “Well, Mr. Potter, I didn’t expect you to be here so early,” a voice called out from behind one of the many shelves.

Harry had to hide his skittishness. He had one of his feelings again. Something in his dreams had happened here. Harry shook his head. He wasn’t going to let his dreams ruin his day.

Ollivander came out from behind the shelves, pushing his glasses up his nose to get a better look at Harry. His eyes paused on the wiggling boy in Harry’s arms. “Ahhh… This must be the young Julian Potter. I must say he looks like your mother. Where are your parents may I ask?”

“They’re getting the rest of my supplies,” Harry lied.

Ollivander nodded sagely before wandering over to a shelf. “How about we get started? Which arm is your wand arm?”

“Uhmm… My right?”

 Ollivander pulled out a box. “Try this one. It’s rather like your father’s. Mahogany wood and dragon’s heartstring. Good for transfiguration.”

As soon as Harry touched the wand, Ollivander snatched it back. “Nope. That won’t work. Try this one.”

That is how thirty minutes passed. Harry went through forty-eight wands before he finally found his wand, an eleven-inch wand made out of cherry wood and unicorn hair as the core. Supposedly, it was good for healing. Although there was a slight feeling of wrongness, Harry forced a grin and conjured up some bright lights that played around Julian’s head. The little boy laughed and swatted playfully at them. Harry was having the best birthday he ever had, and he wouldn’t let those stupid dreams ruin it.

Meanwhile, at Godric’s Hollow, most of the guests had arrived. Lily and James had decided to keep the party small and intimate, only inviting people they considered family (It wasn’t because Harry didn’t have any friends. No, not at all). It was just Harry’s parents and the Marauders and their families. Remus, Sirius, Peter, and James were getting caught up on their various jobs as they set up the last of the decorations. Lily and Marlene Black née McKinnon, Sirius’ wife, were comparing their children’s ‘terrible twos’ in a corner of the room while Marlene and Sirius’ four-year-old son, Regulus, ran around the room.

Lily looked at her watch and excused herself from the conversation to go and check on Julian. He usually cried around that time of the morning, and it was odd that he hadn’t made a sound all morning, especially with the amount of noise from downstairs.

“JAMES!!!” a shriek disturbed the group in the living room.

Lily rushed down the stairs and barreled into James. “Julian’s missing!!!”

James’ face grew deathly pale. “Could he have crawled out of his crib somehow?”

“No, I enchanted it so that he couldn’t have gotten out by himself. James, somebody had to  _ lift  _ him out. Someone was in our house!” Lily said in a panic.

“Did you check on Harry? Maybe he has Julian,” James tried to placate her.

A shaky smile appeared on her face. “You’re right. That’s probably where he is. I just panicked like an idiot. Everything is probably fine.”

James nodded reassuringly and led her upstairs to Harry’s room. They were not prepared to see the empty bed. They ran through the house searching for their two children. After having everybody search the house and the grounds twice, they panicked and did the only thing they could think of. They called the Order of the Phoenix.

While Lily and James were running around the house in a panic, Harry ended up in Diagon Alley’s best toy store looking for a toy he could get Julian. “What do you think, Jules? Do you want a stuffed animal or a game?”

The little boy in his arms giggled happily and pointed at the piles of stuffed animals.

“Wise choice,” Harry said with a chuckle.

He searched through the piles and piles of animals until he found the perfect one. “What about this one?” Harry asked his brother, as he held up a bright red lion.

Julian squealed happily. “Kitty!”

Harry chuckled. “It’s a bit bigger than a kitty, brother,” He said as he checked out. It was time to go home.

 Godric’s Hollow was a mess of activity. The Order members were crowded into the tiny living room talking over each other trying to question the worried parents.

“Enough!” a voice called. Dumbledore pushed his way in front of the couple, “Do you have any idea where Harry and Julian could be?”

Lily and James shook their heads. “No, I don’t think they could even leave the house by themselves. The wards shouldn’t let them.”

Dumbledore nodded seriously. “Somebody must have taken them, then.”

“Do-Do you think Death Eaters could have done it? Because of the prophecy?” James tried to keep a brave face, but everyone could see the terror that lay just below the surface.

Dumbledore’s eyes lost their twinkle. “It’s a possibility. They may have wanted to get rid of the only other person who could fit the prophesy.”

Lily paled dramatically. “So, they could- they could be…”

“We will do everything in our power to find them, Lily. We’ll all look for them,” Dumbledore said determinedly. The Order members around them nodded resolutely.

Harry cheerfully walked down the street to his house. He watched Julian play with his new toy and smiled. Even if his parents forgot it was his birthday, at least he had this moment of freedom with his brother.

Harry stopped when he saw his house. All the lights were on. Harry gulped. Maybe he could sneak into the house without his parents noticing. He carefully crept around the house and through the back door.

Harry paused in shock at the large crowd that was in the house. Had his parents invited their friends without telling him?

“What’s going on?” He asked loudly, trying to be heard over the all the adults.

As soon as he spoke, everyone stopped talking. The house grew silent. Slowly the crowd turned to face the boy standing in the doorway holding his brother.

“HARRY!” Lily wailed as she picked him up and hugged him close to her, “Where have you been?! Are you okay?! Are you hurt anywhere?! Somebody get Severus here!”

Harry squirmed in his mother’s arms. “I’m fine, mum! Let me go!”

James pushed his way through the crowd. “Where have you been, young man?”

Harry flinched at his tone of voice but didn’t let it affect him too much. He had heard it many times over the past two years after a nightmare. Harry took a deep breath and squared his jaw. He had had been having a great birthday and he wasn’t going to let his parents ruin that for him.

“Out.”

“Out?” James’ voice was dangerously quiet, “Out? Out where?”

“Why should I tell you?”

The Order members awkwardly looked at one another before they decided they needed to leave before things got ugly. The house emptied out rather quickly only leaving James, Lily, Sirius and his family, Remus, and Peter.

James’ face began to turn red. “You should tell me because I’m your father, young man! Now where have you been?!”

Harry jutted out his chin. “Diagon Alley.”

“Y-you took your brother to Diagon Alley. By yourself,” James muttered in shock. Lily was ghostly pale and swaying slightly. Marlene came up behind her and helped her sit down on the couch.

Harry glanced nervously at his parents. This was not the way he had expected his parents to react.

James seemed to get over his shock. A fiery look entered his eyes. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!? YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HURT?!? WHAT ABOUT YOUR BROTHER? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF HE HAD GOTTEN HURT? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”

Harry flinched and stumbled back. His father never yelled at him no matter how angry. “I went to get my wand,” Harry mumbled, “I thought Julian would like Diagon Alley.”

“And why,” James growled, “Did you not wait for us?”

“You forgot. You forgot it was my birthday,” Harry whispered, “You weren’t even supposed to know we left. You never get up this early. We would have made it back before you noticed.”

Just like that all the fight left James. “You actually thought we forgot?”

Harry shrugged. “Well, you’ve been really busy with Julian, so I thought maybe…”

Lily whimpered and flung herself at Harry, hugging him and Julian tightly. “Oh baby, we could never forget you! I’m so sorry for making you think that! I’m sorry, sweetheart; we should have never become so busy with Julian that you felt forgotten.”

And so began one of the most awkward birthdays Harry had ever had. After his revelation, everyone was extremely quiet and morose. Even Sirius, who blamed himself for not being there for Harry to turn to and Remus, who was Julian’s godfather. Nobody talked for the rest of the day, trying to process everything that happened early that morning. Harry locked himself up in his room with Julian and refused to come out while the adults debated whether or not this was an occasion Harry needed space over comforting. The only one who was truly happy was Julian, who was playing with his new lion he had named, Leon.

The months leading up to Hogwarts were awkward for the Potter family. Everyone was walking on eggshells. James and Lily didn’t want Harry to feel like he was being ignored, but they wanted him to get over his nightmares. The only person Harry could stand to be in the same room was Julian. At least Julian didn’t bring up his nightmares.

Then Harry went to Hogwarts. He was excited. It was supposed to be his new start, a place where his parents couldn’t baby him and he could finally make some friends. Except it wasn’t. Hogwarts introduced a whole new set of problems Harry hadn’t foreseen.

 Even before he boarded the train, it seemed as if everyone knew his name and not in a good way. Everyone knew about the scaredy-cat Potter who was such a baby his parents wouldn’t let him out of the house. Harry was crushed when nobody wanted to be friends with him. Once again he was an outcast.

The sorting only made things worse. He was terrified when he first put the hat on that it would want to put him in Hufflepuff. Not that there’s anything wrong with Hufflepuff. He just couldn’t imagine how his parents would react when they heard Harry had ended up in Hufflepuff. His parents were Gryffindors through and through, so anything else would be an insult to their name. Instead, the hat suggested the inconceivable. It wanted to put Harry in Slytherin.

Harry had not expected that at all. The Slytherins would eat him alive when they found out about his nightmares; he just knew it. Not to mention how his parents would react. His father had told him stories upon stories about how evil the Slytherins were. Harry tried to reason with the hat, saying he wasn’t fit for the house, but the hat claimed he was more ambitious than he knew. Harry barely convinced the hat to put him in Gryffindor after five minutes of arguing with it. 

Harry became an outcast at school. The very first night in his dorms, Harry had one of the worst nightmares he had ever had in his eleven years. His screams woke everyone in the Gryffindor Tower. Word spread quickly through school that the Potter boy was a freak, a baby, a scaredy-cat. Gryffindor shunned him, saying he wasn’t brave enough to be in their house. He became the lowest of low, constantly picked on by the Neville, Seamus, and Ron. Harry spent most of his free time running from the Boy-Who-Lived and his posey. He never wrote back to his parents to tell them what was happening at school. He didn’t want them to know or fight his battles for him.

Halfway through Harry’s third year, his mum gave birth to his little sister, Ivy Moira Potter. Harry was immediately called home to meet the little bundle of joy. As soon as he saw her, Harry knew he would do anything for her. She had the same fly away hair that he had as a baby and green eyes, only her eyes were grass green whereas his were a dark emerald color. Harry was lost to her as soon as she smiled, showing off a dimple in each cheek.

Harry shook the memories from his thoughts. No use dwelling on old memories. Especially memories from three years ago.

Harry put the pen to the journal and began to write.

_ July 14th, 1996 _

_ All I remember is fear and pain. I was terrified of something; I can't remember what. Right before I woke up, I can remember a horrible pain. It was worse than anything I've ever felt and left a raging headache when I woke up. _

_ That's all I can remember from the dream, but when I woke up I was out of breath and screaming. Maybe I was fighting someone or running in my dream and got caught. And when my parents barged into my room, I reacted on instinct and flipped over the bed and pointed my wand at them. Am I fighting someone in my dreams? If so, why? Why me of all people? It's not like I'm important. I'm nothing. _

_                                                                                                                                                    —HJP _

Harry flopped back into bed, clutching his journal. He stared blankly at the ceiling, exhausted. He hadn't had a decent nights sleep since he could remember. His eyelids flickered to half mast, covering his now dull green eyes. Maybe this time, Harry could sleep without dreaming. Maybe this time, the nightmares wouldn't haunt him. Maybe this time….


	2. Tickle Fights and Family Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a surprising wake up call, Harry learns some surprising news from his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everybody! First of all, I would like to apologize for the long wait on this chapter. I was out of the country for a bit and didn't have any time to write. It didn't help that I had a bit of writer's block. But hopefully this chapter will make up for it. (Shout out to phoenixfire2390 for giving me the push to finish this chapter.) I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Let me know in the comments what you think! Thanks for reading!  
> Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter no matter how much I wish I did.

With a quiet click, a small bundle slipped into Harry’s room. The little figure quickly tiptoed to the foot of the bed and slipped under the covers. “Harry…” the girl tried to say spookily but failed miserably by giggling, “Harry…”

Harry groaned in his sleep and rolled over. Ivy poked her head out from under the covers and frowned. She glared at Harry for a few moments before smirking. With a careful, calculated precision that only siblings and government agents know, she used a piece of her hair to tickle Harry’s cheek. 

Harry twitched in his sleep and swatted at the offending hair before rolling over. Ivy giggled and gently blew on his face. Harry twitched again but steadfastly remained asleep. When Ivy realized her administrations weren’t going to wake her brother, she sat back and pouted. Suddenly an idea came to her and a smirk slowly spread across her face. Carefully, she slipped off the bed and went to the far side of the room.

“ATTACK!!!” she shrieked as she ran and launched herself at her brother.

Harry’s eyes snapped open at the loud shriek, but before he could do anything, his sister landed hard on his stomach. His breath whooshed out of him from the force of the blow, and Harry tried to curl in on himself to protect any vital organs.

Ivy laughed. “I got you, Harry! You never saw me comin’!”

“You know what this means,” Harry said as he mocked glared at her. Instantly, she was on guard. “What?” she said cautiously.

“I MUST SEEK REVENGE!!!” Harry shouted as he began to tickle her mercilessly.

“HA-HARRY, STOP!” Ivy practically wailed, tears streaming down her face.

Harry paused and cocked his head in fake thought, giving her a moment to recover and catch her breath. “I don’t know…”

Immediately, Ivy looked up at him with the saddest puppy dog eyes she could manage.

“You know,” Harry paused for dramatic effect, “I would have stopped if you had said please,” Harry smirked down at his sister before going back to tickling his her, shrieks filling the room once more.

Unbeknownst to the two siblings, the door quietly opened and a small, red head peeked in at the ensuing fight. With a quiet giggle, the figure threw the door open and ran towards the bed. “Don’t worry, Ivy!” Julian yelled as he pounced onto Harry, “I’ll save you!”

Ivy’s shrieks turned into laughter once more as Harry was forced to stop his attack on her in order to defend himself from the little brother that was trying to tickle him. “All right!” Harry’s muffled cry came after a few minutes of the combined force of his siblings tickling him, “I give! I give! Uncle, okay?!”

Julian and Ivy glanced at each other before sitting on him. “I don’t know…” Ivy mimicked him from before, “You didn’t say please.”

Harry’s eyes widened when his own words came back to haunt him. He glanced at the two to see if they were serious before sticking his nose in the air and pompously proclaiming, “I shall never beg! It would be an insult to my pride!”

Julian shrugged. “Your loss,” He said before going back to tickling him. After few moments of laughter, failed escapes, and almost falling off the bed, Harry called an end to the tickle war. “I surrender!”

His younger siblings looked at him expectantly. Harry sighed. “Please don’t tickle me anymore.”

The two smiled down at him brightly and snuggled down beside him as they tried to calm their erratic hearts. 

“Harry,” Ivy’s quiet voice broke the peaceful moment they had been having, “What do you always dream about?”

Harry stiffened at the reminder of the dreams. Everything always came back to the nightmares. “I don’t know,” Harry said eventually, “I can never remember what happened in them when I wake up.”

“Oh,” Ivy whispered, curling further into her older brother, “So you don’t remember what happened in the dream you had last night?”

Harry didn’t bother answering and instead just shook his head.

“It must have been a bad one, Harry,” Julian whispered, “Your screams sounded so  _ painful _ .”

“I don’t want to talk about it, guys. I don’t even remember what happened in the dream.”

The trio was quiet for a few minutes before Ivy broke the silence again. “It’s okay that you have nightmares no matter what Mummy and Daddy say,” Ivy whispered, “We have nightmares all the time and they never react the same way as they do to you.”

Harry sighed and rubbed her back. “That’s different, Iv. You two haven’t had them every night for sixteen years, and when you do have a nightmare, you remember what is was about.”

“They don’t have to be mean about it though,” Julian grumbled.

“They’re not trying to be mean,” Harry explained, “They’re just worried about me and feel like they can’t do anything to help me.”

“They’re still being mean,” Ivy mumbled into Harry’s shirt before staring up at him. “But I promise we’ll never be mean to you. Right Julian?”

“Right,” Julian nodded determinedly. 

Harry rolled his eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Now that you’ve promised to  _ never _ be mean to me, which I fully plan on taking advantage of just so you know, you should go get ready for breakfast.” 

Ivy pouted, but Julian nodded and grabbed his sister, knowing Harry wanted his space. “See you downstairs,” Julian called as he dragged Ivy out of the room. 

Harry sighed and stared up at the ceiling. The gold stars he had painted onto the ceiling as a kid swirled around in unfamiliar patterns. Tracing the stars with his eyes, Harry allowed himself to get lost in thought.

Everything came back to those damn nightmares. Something he couldn’t even remember affected his entire life. Without them, he may have been able to have a normal life. One where he could have actually had friends, his parents didn’t worry that every little thing would set him off, and his younger siblings didn’t have to feel like they needed to protect their  _ older _ brother. 

Harry growled and yanked his pillow over his eyes, blocking his view of the stars. It didn’t help that he didn’t even know what the dreams were about. He always forgot.  _ Always _ . Not once had Harry ever remembered anything from a nightmare. Sure, every once and awhile he would remember some vague detail like pain or screaming, but he never remembered anything  _ solid _ . Hell, it would make things marginally better if he could just remember  _ something _ from his dreams. Then he would at least know why he was having the nightmares, and he could attempt to stop them.

Cheerful chatter drifted up the stairs, pulling Harry out of his thoughts. He groaned. He needed to get up and moving before either of his parents came looking for him in order to drag him down to breakfast. Harry stumbled over to his bathroom and tried to avoid looking at the mirror but failed miserably. His eyes were automatically drawn to it when the mirror tutted and asked if he was feeling alright. He shut it up with a grumbled word and a flick of his wand, but try as he might, he couldn’t avoid what was literally staring him in the face. No wonder Ivy and Julian had been worried about him, Harry looked like shit. He had dark black circles under his eyes from never getting more than three hours of sleep a night and pale, almost translucent skin that came from spending most of his days inside. His once bright emerald eyes that sparkled when he laughed had turned a dark jade color from the forgotten horrors of his nightmares. 

Harry tore his eyes away from the mirror and splashed some water on his face in hopes it would make him look a little healthier. His parents would worry if he came downstairs looking half dead.

“Harry,” a voice called up the steps, “Breakfast is ready!”

Harry groaned. Time to face the music. Slowly, he stumbled out of his room and down the stairs towards the kitchen.

The kitchen was a hive of activity. Lily was trying to set the table while she magically flipped the bacon and stirred the eggs and dodged everyone in the kitchen. Ivy was chasing the family cat around the table before crashing into James’ legs. With a yelp, James tried to save the cup of coffee he had been holding, but was unsuccessful. Although he had managed to dodge the hot coffee, the morning paper had received the brunt of the spillage. Julian was using the distraction wisely by sneaking a blueberry muffin off the table.

Harry watched the scene in a blasé fashion. To most people, the family breakfast would look crazy, unordered, and hectic, but it was an everyday occurrence for the Potter family. Harry ignored the piles of food on the table and snatched a bruised apple from the fruit bowl before taking his seat. As the last plate of food was put on the table, everyone else sat down.

“Harry,” Lily said when he noticed he hadn’t reached for anything besides the apple, “Don’t you want anything else to eat?”

Harry took a bite out of his apple before grimacing. He had bit into a bruise, and the apple was extremely soft. “Not hungry,” Harry mumbled after he forced himself to swallow the bitter piece of apple.

Lily looked around at the table helplessly before she spied the blueberry muffins. “Here,” she exclaimed, grabbing the plate and shoving it in front of him. Harry reached out to steady the plate when he saw the muffins teeter precariously. “I know these are your favorite. They’re fresh; I just made them this morning!” 

Harry grimaced at the mere thought of eating something so sugary, but he smiled and took one to please his mother. Lily smiled in relief when he picked up the smallest muffin in faux causality. “Thanks, mum.”

Lily’s smile brightened the entire room. “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

The rest of the meal continues with awkward chit chat. Julian and Ivy were chattering between themselves about which quidditch team was the best, and Lily and James made small talk about the Auror Division.

“I’m telling you, Lils,” James said taking a sip of his coffee, “The world’s going to hell in a handbasket. Every day there are more and more attacks and I can do nothing to stop it.”

Lily sighed and reached for a muffin. “Surely there is something you can do. You’re the Head Auror for Merlin’s sake! Can’t you order more patrols in the major cities or something?”

James shook his head. “I’ve  _ tried _ , but every time I try to add more patrols or hire more aurors, the Minister blocks me! I can barely get anything through these days. I was lucky that I was able to pass the curfew, but Minister Rosier fought even that. I only got it through by going to the Wizengamot,” James paused glancing at the children before lowering his voice, not realizing Harry was listening in, “I’m almost positive Rosier’s a DE, Lily. And he’s the freaking minister. We can’t do anything about him because he has guards protecting him twenty-four seven. The Light can’t last much longer like this, Lils. There’s nothing to support us. The government’s fighting us every step of the way, and we keep losing members daily. I don’t know what to do.”

Lily reached across the table to hold his hand. “Don’t worry,” she whispered back to him, “We’re fighters. We protect our family and friends. We’ll figure something out.”

Harry pulled his eyes away from the moment his parents were having before standing up and coughing awkwardly to gain their attention. “I’m finished. May I be excused?”

“You’ve barely touched your food,” Lily said eyeing his plate.

Harry winced. He knew he should have eaten more, but he hadn’t been able to eat another bite. The apple he had grabbed at the beginning of the meal only had two or three bites taken out of it, and he had only nibbled around the edges of the muffin. “I wasn’t really hungry.” 

“Oh,” was all Lily managed to say, “I suppose you may be dismissed if you’re finished.”

Harry nodded and offered her a smile of thanks as he headed for the door, but before he could leave James called out to him.

“You’re not excused just yet,” James said, not glancing up from the morning paper, “We still need to talk about last night.”

Immediately, everyone in the room froze. Julian and Ivy stopped in the middle of their conversation and eyed Harry worriedly.

“Now’s probably not the best time, James” Lily said glancing between the two.

“Now’s the perfect time. If we don’t do it now we never will.”

Harry carefully caught his siblings’ eyes and jerked his head slightly towards the door. If he was going to have this conversation with his parents now he didn’t want Julian and Ivy to be here.

“May we be excused?” Julian quietly asked.

Lily looked at them hesitantly. She knew they weren’t finished eating; their full plates signified that, but she knew why they wanted to leave. Nobody knew which direction this conversation would go. It would either be bad or terrible, but either way, she didn’t want her two youngest to be here when it happened. Hell, if she had a choice, she wouldn’t be here either. “Yes, you’re dismissed. Go up to your rooms and play.”

The two nodded slightly before bolting for the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, the tension in the room skyrocketed.

“So,” Harry awkwardly began after a few moments of silence, “You wanted to speak with me?”

“Yes,” James said eventually, the laughter in his voice completely missing due to the seriousness of the situation, “Harry, how often do you have nightmares?”

Harry stiffened. What was the right answer? He couldn’t tell them he had nightly much less that he had them two or three times a night, but he also couldn’t tell them a number too low or they would know he was lying. The only problem was he didn’t know how low was too low. Harry took a wild guess hoping his parents didn’t truly realize how often he had the nightmares. “I have them about once a week. Why?”

“You have them so often?!” Lily looked heartbroken.

Harry tried to conceal his surprise at her answer. Evidently, they had no idea just how often he woke up screaming in his room. He should have picked a lower number.

James ran a hand through his hair. “Have they gotten any better?”

“Yes,” Harry immediately lied, “They’re not as intense as they were when I was little.”

“You’re telling me that what happened last night  _ wasn’t  _ intense,” James cocked an eyebrow at his son.

Harry winced but answered, “That is an exception. I haven’t had a nightmare so bad in a long time.”

Lily sighed and began to fiddle with her hands. “Harry, you’ve been having these nightmares since you were born. Even when you were a baby you would wake up crying for no reason. We have to do something. It isn’t healthy, sweetheart. You’re not eating anymore, and you look like you don’t get any sleep.”

James cut in. “You’re mother and I have decided,” James said carefully, “To send you to St. Mungo’s.”

“WHAT!!” Harry shouted, his eyes wide with disbelief. “Y-you can’t do this to me! You can’t just send me away because of some stupid dreams! This is my home!”

“Honey, we have tried to help you, but we don’t know how!” Lily tried to reason with him, “Maybe the healers will be able to help you where we haven’t. I know you didn’t want to involve anyone outside the family with your dreams but new potions and spells are being invented every day! If it’s possible that there is something at St. Mungo’s that will help you get over these nightmares, we should do it.”

“We’re checking you into St. Mungo’s next Monday,” James said, “You’ll stay in the hospital for the week so the healers can survey you and your dreams. You’ll come back to spend the weekend with us, but you’ll continue to back to St. Mungo’s weekly if you don’t get any results during that first week.”

“Merlin’s beard, are you fucking kidding me!?!”

“Language!”

“You are going to send me off to the hospital for weeks at a time?! Do I get no stay in this?! This is my life! I don’t want to spend it stuck in some hospital away from my family!”

“But at what cost? If you stay here with us you may never get better!” James claimed, “We just want these nightmares to stop so you can actually live your life.”

“I'd rather spend it with my family instead of in a damn hospital while I deal with these nightmares. At least that way I'd have some form of support,” Harry growled.

“We'd rather have you spend a few weeks in the hospital, and spend the rest of your life nightmare free,” Lily said, reaching over the table to hold his hand.

Harry glanced down at the hand holding his and sighed. He had one last trick up his sleeve, but even that would only buy him a little time before his parents shipped him off to Hospital Hell. “But,” Harry said looking up at Lily with puppy dog eyes, “It's my  _ birthday _ on Wednesday. It's a tradition to always spend our birthdays with family. I don't want to break that tradition by spending my birthday in St. Mungo’s away from all of you, Mum.”

Lily melted at his confession, and Harry knew he had won her over. Lily glanced over at her husband. “Maybe we should hold off another week, James. Nothing’s set in stone yet.”

James glanced between the two, looking hesitant. After a few moments, he huffed and ran a hand through his hair. “You’re right. He shouldn’t spend his birthday in St. Mungo’s,” James turned his attention back to Harry, “Two more weeks, and then we’re sending you to St. Mungo’s” James gaze softened, “This is the only thing we can of that might help you end these dreams once and for all.”

Harry nodded slightly before inching towards the door. “Now that that’s settled, can I leave now?”

James chuckled quietly and motioned to the door. “Go ahead. We’ve talked about everything we needed to.”

As soon as the words were spoken, Harry bolted out the door and up the stairs. Two weeks, that’s all he had before he would be stuck in a hospital. Harry growled as he reached the door. How could his parents even think this was a good idea? He didn't want the healers knowing about his dreams. A thought entered his head, and Harry paled drastically. What if the healers could get into his head while he was asleep and saw what he was dreaming? A foreboding feeling settled in his stomach. Something was telling him bad things would happen if somebody else saw his dreams.

Harry was startled out of his thoughts as he entered the room. Julian and Ivy were sitting on his bed, obviously in deep discussion.

“Should I be worried?” Harry asked as he glanced between the two.

Julian’s and Ivy’s heads snapped at the sound of his voice. Their faces pale and drawn. Harry fidgeted awkwardly as his siblings stared at him.

“How’d it go?” Julian finally asked.

“Not that bad,” Harry sat down on the bed beside them, “It could have gone worse.”

“Why’d they want to talk to you?” Ivy asked crawling onto his lap.

Harry sighed. It was better he explained the situation now than not tell them until later. They needed to know, and they would only get hurt if he didn’t tell them about their parents’ solution to his dreams. But that didn’t mean he had to be entirely truthful with them either. “They’ve decided I need to get treatment because of my nightmares,” Harry stated carefully.

Julian’s eyes narrowed. “ _ They’ve _ decided? So you don’t want to get treatment.”

A smile flickered across Harry’s face. Julian was truly brighter than he gave himself credit for. Harry wouldn’t be surprised if his younger brother ended up in Ravenclaw.

“I’d prefer not to get treatment, yes.”

“Then why are they making you?” Ivy tilted her head back to stare up at him.

“Because they’re worried about me and think this is the only way they can help.”

“But it’s still wrong!” Julian claimed adamantly, “They’re forcing you to do this against your will! There has to be a law or something against that!”

Harry picked Ivy up off his lap and crawled over to his brother. “It’s not that bad,” Harry said as he threw an arm over Julian’s shoulders, “And anyway, I’m already working on a way to avoid this entire thing.”

Julian glanced up at him, trying to see if Harry was telling the truth. “Really?”

“Really,” Harry said with a nod, “Now, you two need to go.”

“What!?” Julian and Ivy shouted at the same time.

Harry stood up and stretched before ushering his siblings to the door. “I need to figure some things out, and you two need to go downstairs and convince Mum and Dad that you don’t secretly hate them now.”

“But what if we  _ do  _ secretly hate them?” Ivy whined.

“Trust me, you don’t actually mean that no matter how frustrating they can be at times.”

Ivy pouted. “I guess,” she conceded before saying, “They’re still mean to you.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “How many times do I have to say this? They’re not being mean or cruel; they’re just being worried parents.” Harry glared at his siblings. “Now, quit distracting me. Go play or something. I have work to do.”

Julian grabbed Ivy’s hand and pulled her the rest of the way out of the room. “Come on, Iv. You promised to play exploding snap with me earlier.” 

Ivy huffed at her brothers, knowing she was being thrown out of Harry’s room. “Fine. I’ll go set up the cards.” Ivy glared at her brothers one last time, before stomping down the hall.

Julian rolled his eyes at her dramatics before turning back to Harry. “Just know that we’re here if you need help.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t forget.”

Julian nodded and calmly followed in his sister’s footsteps.

Harry quickly shut the door. He had a lot to do and not enough time to do it. He only had two weeks to figure out a way to block his dreams, and he had no idea how to do it. No matter what, he could  _ not  _ end up in St. Mungo’s. Harry was getting one of his feelings that he always got before something bad would happen, and he just knew it had to do with the hospital. He couldn’t afford for other people to know about his dreams. Harry needed to do research, lots of it, to figure out his nightmares. And Harry knew exactly where to start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Good, bad, ugly? Let me know in the comments below! What did you think of Julian and Ivy? What about James' and Lily's solution to Harry's nightmare? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and will continue to read. Thanks for reading!


	3. The Search is On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has another dream but discovers something shocking which causes him to delve even deeper into his research.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone! I'm finally back with the next chapter! I'm sorry for such a late post; I truly am. Summer is just super hectic and killing all my creativity. I know 'excuses, excuses', but I had to tell you my reasoning even if it's crappy. I'm going to try to update every other week. And shoutout to Silly who has given me some awesome ideas for future chapters! Thank you for that if you're reading this! Anywho...I hope you guys like the story and don't be afraid to give me some feedback! Enjoy!

_ “What are you doing, Tom?” _

_ Harry was standing in the middle of a large chamber. Small skeletons of various animals littered the floor. Harry could hear a quiet dripping, and there was a certain moisture in the air that made seem like they were in the sewers, but he knew that that wasn’t likely since the entire chamber looked as if it had been carved from marble. Harry stared up in awe at the large carving on the wall of an old man’s face. _

_ “Where are we? How did we get here?” _

_ Tom stood in front of him, looking deep in thought as he stared up at the old man’s face as well. He almost looked like a ghost since his body was almost translucent except for the slight patches of faint color on his prefect robes. Harry couldn’t help compare it to the first time he met Tom. He didn’t even have a body then. He had just been a book then and all he could do was write back to Harry. Now, Tom had a body even though he would physically pass through anything he tried to touch, but it seemed like every day he was getting stronger. Harry swore there was a healthier glow to his skin and his eyes had gotten darker in the past day. _

_ “Tom?” _

_ Harry’s voice seemed to finally pull Tom out of his thoughts. He turned back to Harry and gave him a small, pleasant smile that didn’t feel right to Harry. Something was off with Tom today, and Harry wasn’t sure what. “I’m sorry, Harry. I wasn’t paying attention. What did you say?” _

_ “I wanted to know what this place was.” _

_ Tom smirked down at the small boy before motioning to the sculpture of the man and then to the many carved snakes. “It’s quite simple to figure out, Harry. All you have to do is use your brain.” _

_ Harry winced slightly. He hated when Tom acted like he was dumb. He wasn’t! He  _ was  _ smart, he just didn’t like to show off all the time like Tom and Hermione did! It had always been better for him to hide the fact that he actually had a brain so he would always have an advantage. People never expected him to be smart so they always underestimated him. Like Tom was doing now. _

_ “Is this the Chamber of Secrets? Is this what all the fuss is about? If so, why are we down here? We’ve got to tell someone, so they can stop the attacks! I don’t want the school to shut down, Tom. I really, really don’t!” _

_ As soon as Harry had finished his rant, he knew he had said the wrong thing. Tom was glaring down at him with a dark expression on his face. Harry flinched and ducked his head, looking nervously at his shoes. _

_ “Now, listen here, Harry. This place is sacred!” Tom growled, “I  _ did not _ bring you down here just so you can run back to that lying, hypocritical headmaster of yours and tell him everything! I am not going to let you ruin EVERYTHING!” _

_ Harry flinched and curled in on himself when Tom screamed the last word. Tom was his friend, and he didn’t want him angry with him. He always hated it when Tom was mad at him. Tom was scary when he was mad. “I-I’m sorry, Tom!” Harry stuttered out, “I just thought if we told then people wouldn’t be so worried about the attacks and the school could stay open while they figured everything out. I didn’t mean anything bad, Tom, honest! I just wanted the school to stay open and thought if we told the teachers that the chamber was down here they wouldn’t close it.” _

_ “Well, don’t think then!” Tom snapped back at him before turning around. _

_ Harry’s eyes narrowed at Tom’s back. “I thought you told me to think!” Harry exclaimed, his Gryffindor temper getting the better of him, “Ever since I’ve met you, you’ve been telling to use my head, and now that I actually am and am forming my own opinions you’re telling me to stop!” _

_ Tom turned around, his eyes flashing red and his robe swirling around as if there was a wind, but Harry couldn’t feel any. He knew it was caused by Tom’s magic. Suddenly, Tom calmed down. It was like a switch had been flipped. The wind that had been swirling around him stopped and his eyes went back to their normal dark grey. “You’re right,” Tom said as he straightened his uniform, “I have been telling you to think more. I shouldn’t have gotten on to you when you don’t know the full situation.” _

_ Harry stared up at him in shock. Even when he was wrong, he never admitted it or apologized for it, he just went on with business as if nothing had happened. Tom glared at him. Yep, it was too good to be true. Tom wasn’t actually saying Harry was right.  _

_Tom continued. “But you need to think things all the way through before you start assuming things. Do you honestly think I wouldn’t have stopped the attacks if I could have? That I would bring you down here if it was dangerous?”_ _  
_ _Harry shook his head hesitantly. Tom smiled down at Harry with what he thought was a gentle smile but was actually more shark-like than gentle. Harry took a tiny step back._

_ Taking a deep breath, Harry tried to steer the conversation away from the fight they had just had. “So, why did you bring me down here? It must be very important since I doubt Slytherin wanted a Gryffindor in his secret lair.” _

_ The corners of Tom’s lips twitched upward before he became serious again. “You’re right; this is a very serious matter, Harry. I have something to tell you, and I need you to trust me.” _

_ “I trust you, Tom. I'm listening.” _

_ “I have a way to stop the attacks, but I don't think you’ll want me to.” _

_ Harry blinked up at him in shock trying to process what he said before he exploded. “What?! What are you talking about? Of course, I want to stop the attacks!” _

_ Tom shook his head. “What if I told you that it was someone you cared about who is perpetrating the attacks?” _

_ Harry’s mouth dropped open. “What?” _

_ Tom nodded sadly. “Do you want to know?” _

_ Harry straightened and nodded in resolve. _

_ “It’s Ginny Weasley.” _

_ “What?! No way! That’s impossible! She’s only eleven! She’s Ron’s little sister! There’s no way she’s the one causing the attacks.” _

_ “Haven’t you notice she’s been acting strange lately? Going missing at odd times?” _

_ “No! That’s not true! Her family is the most light oriented family I know! She wouldn’t start attacking muggleborns!” _

_ Tom began to look frustrated. “Don’t you trust me?” _

_ “Of cour-” Harry began to think. Something wasn’t adding up. “No. No, I don’t think I do.” _

_ Tom straightened suddenly and looked down at Harry with a carefully crafted blank face. “You don’t trust me?” _

_ Harry shook his head. “No. No, I don’t! First, you told me Hagrid was the one controlling the monster, but after I figured out it wasn’t him, you backpedaled and claimed you only thought he was the one! You’re always looking at me funny like-like I’m some bug you want to crush! You always act weird around me, all hot and cold! You make snarky comments about my friends and even my parents! And...And...And you had to have drugged me because I don’t remember coming down here at all!” _

_Tom sighed. “I expected better of you, Harry. For a moment, I actually saw potential in you. I thought_ _you would make a powerful Death Eater. It seems like I was wrong.”_

_ “What? Death Eater? Tom, what are you talking about?” _

_ “Oh, shut up, Potter!” Tom snarled, “You truly are oblivious, aren’t you?  _ Why _ do you think a person like me would sink to mentoring a person like you. You’re nothing but a filthy halfblood with a mudblood for a mother!”  _

_ “Take back what you said about my Mum!” Harry shouted, seeing red. No one, even his (ex)friends, insulted his parents. He may not have known them, but he loved them dearly. Harry drew his wand and pointed at the person who had just insulted his mother. _

_ Tom sneered down at the small boy. “Why would I when it’s the truth? She was part of the scum that has infected this society. And you know what,” Tom leant down until he was face to face with Harry, a proud smirk on his lips, “I probably enjoyed it when I killed her.” _

_ Harry’s arm dropped in shock before he raised it again, not noticing that he was shaking. “No. That’s impossible! Voldemort killed my parents! Not you!” _

_ Tom rolled his eyes. “Who do you think Voldemort is?” _

_ Tom stood up straight and used his finger to write in the air, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. Harry stared as he spelled out the name Tom had told him when he first started writing to him. _

Tom Marvolo Riddle

_ Tom flicked his hand and the letters rearranged themselves. _

I am Lord Voldemort

_ Harry couldn’t comprehend the words. “But that doesn’t make any sense,” Harry muttered in shock, “You’re only sixteen!” _

_ Tom snorted. “I was only sixteen when I created the book. He went on, and I waited for my own opportunity.” _

_ “There’s two of you?!?!”  _

_ Tom rolled his eyes again. “I am him, and he is me. We are one.” _

_ Harry struggled to process what he had just said. “That doesn’t make any sense.” _

_ “Of course, it wouldn’t make any sense to  _ you _. You’re just a child, not even worth my time. You have nowhere near the amount of knowledge and power that I possess.” _

_ Tom reached into his robes and pulled out a wand causing Harry to tense. It seemed familiar to him, but he couldn’t place it. It wasn’t Tom’s. His wand was pale and looked as if the handle was made out of a bone. This wand was a grey color with a delicate swirl going up the handle.  _

_ “I thought you couldn’t move objects yet. And whose wand is that anyway? It’s not yours,” Harry said as he carefully got into the fighting stance they had taught in Dueling Club, hoping Tom wouldn’t notice.  _

_ “Why do you never shut up!?” Tom snarled as he threw a silencing charm at Harry which he quickly dodged. Tom growled and began to send darker and more painful curses at him with each sentence. “You’re always asking the stupidest questions! ‘Who’s controlling the attacks, Tom? How do we stop them, Tom? Where are we, Tom? Whose wand is that, Tom?’ For once in your life use your brain and think for yourself!” _

_ Harry winced as a cutting curse clipped his arm. He wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight against Tom. Tom had too much experience on his side; Harry only had the element of surprise and luck. A glint of light from the stolen wand caught Harry’s eye. Harry’s eyes widened. He knew whose wand that was!  _

_ “How’d you get Ginny’s wand?” Harry yelled as he dodged another cutting curse, and sent an Expelliarmus charm back. _

_ Tom paused and sneered at him. “Now you’re asking the right questions.”  _

_ Tom turned and walked towards the carving of Salazar Slytherin. Harry debated cursing his exposed back, but the strongest spells he knew were Expelliarmus and a few curses he had done research on when the attacks started although he doubted he would be able to cast them since he had never tried to before. Harry decided to bide his time. He needed more information on the situation and maybe this way he could find out what exactly was going on. _

_ “You didn’t tell me how you got Ginny’s wand!” Harry said nervously. _

_ Tom huffed. “Merlin, you really are an idiot,” Tom turned back to Harry, “Hasn’t anyone told you not to trust dark objects? You literally found a journal in the girls’ bathroom and you decided to write your  _ deepest  _ and  _ darkest _ secrets?” _

_ “That doesn’t answer anything!” _

_ Tom rolled his eyes. “Did you ever wonder how it got there?” _

_ Harry’s eyes widened. “Ginny.” _

_ “Finally,” Tom exclaimed, “I thought you would never get it!” _

_ Harry shook his head. “That still doesn’t explain the attacks!” _

_ “I wasn’t lying when I said the little weasel was the one causing the attacks,” Tom paused and cocked his head, “I just didn’t tell the full truth.” _

_ A look of understanding dawned on Harry’s face. “What did you do to Ginny?!” _

_ “She really did have a weak mind,” Tom smirked, “It was so easy to break.” _

_“What did you do to Ginny, you bastard!”_ _  
_ _“Isn’t it obvious? I broke her. It was so easy to do after she told me all her secrets. Did you know she was secretly terrified of being outshined by her brothers? Yes, she was worried she would only be known as the girl of the Weasley family and not for any of her own accomplishments. She told me anything and everything. She poured her heart and soul into that journal, and that was her undoing. I became stronger with every little secret so put into that book until finally, I overpowered her. She’s been my puppet ever since. I doubt she would be happy if she found out she was the one attacking all those people.”_

_ Harry stared at him in horror. “How could you do that to all those innocent people?” Harry paled suddenly, “Where’s Ginny? Nobody has been able to find her today; she missed all her classes.” _

_ Tom shrugged. “A life for a life. That’s how magic has always worked and will always work. As she grows weaker, I grow stronger.” Tom smirked. “Let’s just say they’ll never find the body.” _

_ Tom paused and a wicked smirk flickered across his face. “Did you know that she had a crush on you? She would always drone on and on about you and how kind and heroic you were,” Tom rolled his eyes. “Towards the end there, she was convinced you were going to save her. That you’d swoop in like a knight in shining armor and save the day so the two of you could live happily ever after. Guess you can’t rely on your childhood heroes, huh? They’ll always leave you to rot in order to save their own hides.” _

_ Harry ignore the new information about Ginny’s  crush on him in order to focus on the fact that Tom had hidden her away somewhere while she was supposedly  _ dying _. Rage began to fill Harry, and he saw red. “How could you do that to an innocent girl? She trusted you! I trusted you. I thought you were my friend! How could you do this to us?!” _

_ “Simple, Potter. Power.” _

_ “Power isn’t everything!” _

_ “Power  _ is  _ everything! The people with the most power control the world. They control how the future plays out. They control our destiny!” Tom glanced down at Harry with a blank look on his face, “And because you don’t believe that you won’t survive this night.” _

_ Tom turned back to the carving of Salazar and spread his arms before shouting in Parseltongue, “Speak to me, Oh Great Lord Slytherin!” _

_ The large mouth began to open and Harry could hear a loud hissing come from it. Harry took a step back, glancing between Tom and the opening. He had no idea what was in the chamber and no idea how to fight it. So Harry did the only thing he could, the thing he had been doing since he was a child; he ran. _

Harry sat up with a gasp. His eyes flickered around the room, trying to figure out where he was. Slowly his breathing began to calm as that he saw he was sitting at his desk with various books and papers scattered across it. He sighed with relief. He was home. He was safe. Nothing would harm him here.

Harry rubbed his eyes before wrinkling his nose. Carefully, he peeled off a piece of paper that was sticking to his face, feeling slightly disgusted. “I must have fallen asleep trying to figure out these damn dreams,” Harry muttered.

Harry shook his head. He hadn’t gotten anywhere in his search for an answer about his dreams. Harry sighed and got out his journal. He needed to focus on his dream before it slipped away completely.

Harry flicked to the last page and closed his eyes, trying to remember what had happened. This dream it had been different. Most dreams were terrifying; he would wake up screaming, feeling frightened for his life, but this one, this one, was different. It had started out calm. He had been nervous, but not outright terrified. After that, everything was jumbled up. It was so confusing. He could remember confusion, pain, a fiery rage, and  _ betrayal _ ? This dream was not like any other. Harry searched his mind, trying to remember anything else. Something was dancing just on the outskirts of his memory.

Harry’s eyes snapped open. Someone had been there. He had been with someone; they had been the one to cause Harry’s feelings of betrayal, but _who was it_? Harry rubbed his head; it was beginning to aching, but he needed to know. This person was important! Harry knew it! If he could just remember, he was sure he would have a clue about these dreams. Harry scrunched his eyes tightly closed and pressed hard on his temples. He needed to remember. _He needed to remember!_ _HE NEEDED TO REMEMBER!_

Harry gasped and opened his eyes. He remembered. He remembered a name! Quickly, he scrambled for a quill and began to write before he lost everything all again.

_ July 21st, 1996, _

_ Tom! A name! I actually remembered a name! I knew this dream was different! I knew it!  _

_ To begin, this dream was longer than most. Usually, I wake up after a few minutes, but it was like I couldn’t wake up from this one. Maybe I only wake up when I get hurt or die in a dream? But that would mean I get injured in most of my dreams…Maybe they’re recurring nightmares rather than different ones each night? _

_ The dream focused on one person. Tom. I don’t remember the last name, but this is more than I’ve ever remembered about a dream before! Everything else is all jumbled up. I remember feeling really confused about something and hurt. I was also  _ _ furious _ _ , madder than I’ve ever been before! I don’t remember exactly why, but I was beyond pissed. After that, things get extremely messy. I can’t tell if I was scared or mad, but throughout the dream, there was an underlying feeling of betrayal and fear. Then something must have happened in my dream which caused me to wake up. I was out of breath when I woke up so maybe I was running or fighting? _

_ Even though I’m excited to finally have some clue about these dreams, it’s not exactly helpful. I don’t know anyone with the name Tom except for the barman at the Leaky Cauldron, but I  _ _ know _ _ it’s not him. The Tom in my dream caused all those feelings of terror and betrayal. I don’t know Tom at the Leaky Caldron well enough to feel betrayed unless he did something catastrophic which is possible in times like these. I just don’t think it was him. It doesn’t feel right. Whoever this Tom was was extremely powerful, and I can’t for the life of me think of who it is. Tom is such an uncommon name in the wizarding world. No pureblood would name their child that. It’s too muggle for their taste. Usually, they go with constellations or something in latin. Maybe this Tom is a half-blood or a muggleborn? Hell, he could even be a muggle for all I know although I doubt it. Merlin, now I’m sounding like a stuck up, pureblood prick. _

_ There’s one thing that confuses me more than usual. Why am I know remembering? I know it’s not much but I still remembered something. I haven’t remembered anything about my dreams in the past sixteen years; why now? There hasn’t been much at all on how to restore memories in any of the books I’ve read. I’ve tried an ointment thingy that was supposed to bring back any forgotten memories, but all it did was give me a headache. I doubt it actually caused me to remember the name. Maybe it was accidental magic? But then again, why now of all times? I’m sure there were times when I woke up feeling more stressed and scared than this. _

_ I need to do more research. I need to figure out a way to stop these dreams or at least a way to remember them when I wake up! I have a week left before my parents ship me off to St. Mungo’s. I need to figure this out now more than ever. _

_ -HJP _

Harry sighed as he hid his journal back into the bottom of the drawer. The large full moon shone through the window onto the mess of books, various papers, and notes on his desk. He had scoured the library at the Potter Mansion on anything that had to do with dreams and remembering something forgotten. He had found everything from deciphering dreams to remembering lost childhood memories, but nothing about remembering dreams. It seemed as if the wizarding world didn’t see the need.

Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly and began to clean up the mess. He had barely been out of his room this week, spending all his time researching. He was walking on thin ice with his parents since he was barely even coming out of his room to eat, but his siblings had been supportive. They would keep their distance, always seeming to know when he was deep in his research or frustrated, but they would show up when he need it most, making him feel better and putting a smile on his face. Julian had offered to help with the research, (Ivy claimed she wanted to help, but the one time Harry had let her near the books, she had accidently set one on fire. The trio still wasn’t sure how she had done it since she had been across the room when it happened.) and Ivy brought him snacks which she forced him to eat as well as the comedic relief that always kept the atmosphere light. But as the days went by and he still wasn’t finding anything to stop these nightmares, they were beginning to get worried.

Harry wasn’t sure what to do. He had been to every place he could think of to find information, but he hadn’t found anything. He had searched the Potter’s family library in both the Potter mansion and their house in Godric’s Hollow. He had even snuck out of the house and searched Diagon Alley for anything that might help him. When that didn’t work, he searched Knockturn Alley. Harry had looked through every shady store for any type of magic whether it be light, grey, or dark to end his nightmares. He was beyond caring at this point. He knew his parents would kill him if he ever used anything other than Light magic, but he was willing to risk anything to get rid of these nightmares.  The only problem was he hadn’t found anything. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. 

Silently, Harry stacked up the books onto the corner of his desk before standing up. He needed to sleep in his actual bed for the first time this week. But as he turned around, his hand clipped the stack of books, sending them crashing to the floor with a few other items that had been on his desk. Harry winced when he heard the distinctive sound of breaking glass. 

“Dammit! Can’t anything go right for once?!”

Harry sighed and bent down to start collecting the books before yanking his hand back.

“Ow! Dammit!”

There was a large, deep cut running down the pointer finger of his right hand. A piece of broken glass must have caught on his finger when he was picking up the books. Blood was already running down his finger and dripping onto the carpet. He was never going to get that out. 

Out of reflex, Harry put his finger into his mouth and began to clean everything up once again. He froze, though, when he picked up the last book and saw what was under it. 

It was the picture of Sirius and him when he was five. It had been his birthday and Harry had been super excited about it, but the day before, James had told Harry that he wouldn’t be able to make it to his party. James had a work meeting that he claimed he couldn’t get out of which absolutely crushed Harry. That was the first time his father had missed his birthday. Harry spent almost the entire day moping in his room. Lily had been desperate and did the only thing she could think of. She called Sirius.

Sirius had been at the same meeting James had been at but was able to sneak out (Moody gave him two weeks suspension when he found out) and slip back to Godric’s Hollow. Harry was ecstatic when he found out. Harry spent the rest of the day learning various pranks from Sirius. Lily immediately regretted ever asking Sirius for help when he taught Harry how to turn her hair purple. 

The picture had been taken at the best possible moment. Sirius and Harry had been in their own little world, completely oblivious to Lily who was hiding behind the couch in order to take the picture. The two had been joking around on the floor in front of the fireplace, but when Harry took it a little too far (Harry hadn’t really. Sirius was just looking for an excuse to mess with him.) Sirius had been forced to retaliate. Sirius tickled Harry into submission, but not before Harry turned his hair acid green with yellow stripes (Sirius had wailed when he saw what Harry had done to his beautiful hair) and made large blue spots appear all over his skin. 

Harry smiled down at the picture that showed him laughing uproariously from being tickled while Sirius’ hair slowly turned green. His smile faltered, though, when he realized that the glass in the frame had been completely shattered. Carefully, Harry picked up the frame, making sure to sweep off all the excess glass before inspecting the picture. Relief swept through him when he realized that the picture hadn’t been harmed except for a small crease at the bottom right-hand corner.  

Harry couldn’t help chuckling at the memory before he froze. How could he have forgotten?! He wasn’t out of resources yet; he had one more place to look. Grimmauld Place.

The Blacks were known to have one of the largest and most widespread libraries in the wizarding world since they were one of the oldest pureblood families. The only problem was the fact that nobody could take any of the books from the original library in Grimmauld Place. One of the previous lords had cast a charm on the library making it so that any book added to the Blacks’ library couldn’t leave the property. Sirius had been forced to leave the many books behind when he and his family moved into one of the other properties the family owned.

Harry quickly set the picture down on his desk and looked at his watch. It was three in the morning which explained why it was so dark outside. The last thing he could remember before falling asleep was his mom calling him down for dinner. He must have fallen asleep before he could go downstairs. Harry gnawed on his bottom lip, debating whether or not he should attempt trying to sneak out of the house and into Grimmauld Place this late at night. His parents wouldn’t wake up until at least eight in the morning tomorrow (today?), and he doubted they would actually check his room in the morning considering he had only been down to breakfast once in the past week. Surely, he could make it there and back before they noticed?

Harry shook his head. He was just wasting time by debating this. There was only one way to decide this. He quickly dug through his pants pocket looking for a galleon. Heads, he would sneak out of the house. Tails, he wouldn’t. Harry growled, struggling to get his hands into his pockets. His pants were a bit too tight, and it didn’t help that he was sitting.  Eventually, Harry just turned his pockets inside out, ignoring the random notes that fluttered out and instead and grabbed one of the two coins that fell to the floor. With a flick of his thumb, Harry flipped the coin and watched with bated breath as it fell onto the desk. The coin spun for a bit before finally settling. Heads. It looks like he was going to Grimmauld Place. 

Harry fumbled getting his shoes on. He couldn’t afford to waste any more time. Harry quickly locked the door to his room and arranged the bed so it looked like he was sleeping. Grabbing only his wand and his wallet, he made his way towards his window, ignoring the mess of glass and paper still on his floor. He yanked the glass up with one fluid motion, thankful it didn’t creak like it used to when he first started sneaking out through his window. After the whole debacle on his eleventh birthday, his parents had gotten really protective. They strengthened all the wards surrounding the house and spelled every possible exit to set off an alarm if opened after ten at night. They even made Sirius and Remus make sure all the spells were working properly. After being bribed by a batch of Lily’s homemade cookies (they would have been willing to kill for those cookies), the two tried to break into the house. Needless to say, they ended up bound and gagged in the living room with their own hair which had somehow grown the length of a car (James swore he had nothing to do with it, but everyone knew he was lying). Since Sirius and Remus failed in the break-in attempt, Lily and James thought it was safe to assume nobody would be able to sneak in or out of Godric’s Hollow. It only took Harry three days how to figure how to sneak out of the house. Now he could slip out of the house whenever he wanted to and nobody suspected a thing since they thought the alarm would go off if there was an intruder or if anyone tried to sneak out.

             Harry carefully crawled out of the window and dropped down onto the large rose arch that stood in front of the back door. When he first started sneaking out this way, he almost broke it since the arch was only meant to sustain flowers. After that terrifying night, (his parents would have killed him if they caught him sneaking out of the house a week after his disastrous eleventh birthday), Harry spent the entire following day strengthening it so that it could withstand almost anything.

Silently stepping around the roses his mother loved so much, Harry jumped down to the ground before making his way to the front of the house. When he got to the edge of the property, the wards materialized in front of him, the slightly opaque wall stopping him from going any further. Harry drew his wand and reopened the small cut he got from the picture frame.

             “Exsecuto,” Harry whispered the spell as he gently pressed his finger to the wall. He pulled his hand back to see the small smear of blood begin to spread on its own, creating a small opening he could get through. Quickly jumping through it before it could close again, Harry headed for the street and called the Knight Bus.

A loud bang filled the street, and Harry couldn’t help but grin at the sight of the purple bus screeching to a halt. Stan Shunpike waved down cheekily to him.

“Damn, Johnny! Three calls in one week? Hope this bint’s worth it.”

Harry rolled his eyes. When he had started to use the Knight Bus regularly, he had given Stan the fake name ‘John Smith’ and always paid him extra so he would forget. The only problem was, Stan never forgot. He might not have mentioned Harry to anyone else, but every time Harry got on the bus Stan would act like they were old friends and ask where he was sneaking off to this time. His latest theory was that Harry had a secret girlfriend that he didn’t want his parents finding out about.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about. After all, I’ve  _ never met you _ ,” Harry glared up at him. Stan pouted before sighing.

“Fine, fine. We’ve never met. Got it. So where ya goin’? Whole world doesn’t revolve ‘round you, ya know!”

Harry pulled out his wallet and gave him the required amount and a little extra to help him forget he had ever been here. “Grimmauld Place, Borough of Islington. That’s in London. And I’ll pay you extra if you get me there in less than two minutes.”

“Borough of Islington? What ya want there, Johnny? There’s nothin’ but shabby houses there, and usually on these trips ya go to the more,” Stan paused and winked at Harry, “ _ unsavory _ places if ya know what I mean.”

“Why do I pay you extra when you won’t mind your own business? Should I stop since it’s obvious that you’re not being exactly discreet about me being here?”

“Oh come on, Johnny! Don’t be like that! Ya know I don’t tell anyone where ya goin’! I’d neve’ betray a regular like you!”

Harry rolled his eyes and pushed his way into the thankfully empty bus. He plopped down on one of the numerous beds and yelled up to the driver, ignoring the fact that Stan was still blathering about favorite customers and principles. “We’re going to Borough of Islington, Ernie! Think we can make it in less than two minutes? There’s a galleon in it for you if you can get me there in time!”

The grey haired man sent a maniac grin back to Harry. “Sure thing, Mr. Smith!”

Harry chuckled as the old man floor it, causing Stan to lose his footing and tumble over a bed. “Little more warning next time, Ernie!” Stan moaned from beneath the bed.  

The bus sped through the streets fast enough that everything seemed like a blur. Harry held on tightly to the bedrail, grinning like a maniac. He loved this bus. He knew all the tricks since he had practically grown up on it.

The bus came screeching to a stop a minute later. The old, run-down houses outside the window signified that they had reached their destination.

“You really outdid yourself this time, Ernie,” Harry said as he handed the man two galleons, “You deserve extra for getting me here faster than expected.”

Harry quickly hopped off the bus and waited for it to leave again. Stan waved to him as it started up and began to drive before shouting, “Hope she’s worth it!”

The bus disappeared seconds later with a crack, and Harry rolled his eyes at the man’s antics.

Making sure no one was around, Harry walked up the eleventh and thirteenth houses on the street and waited calmly for Grimmauld Place to appear. The house had been placed under a permanent Fidelius charm so that only people the Lord Black trusted the most could get in. Harry had only been there once. He had only been three at the time, and he had gone with his father to ‘help’ Sirius clean out his old room. That one trip allowed him to know where the house was and key him into the family wards.

The house slowly appeared, pushing the other houses aside to make room for it. There was a slight pang in his heart that Harry couldn’t describe when he looked up at the dilapidated house. Silently, he walked up the steps and opened the door.

The door swung open slowly with a loud creak. Large cobwebs hung from the rafters and everything was covered with a thick layer of dust. His steps left footprints in the mess of dirt and dust on the floor. That would be hard to make it seem like nobody had been here when he left. The house was eerily silent and dark.

Harry quietly walked through the house, trying to decipher the strange feelings he usually associated with the dreams he had. The last time he had been here, he had been too young to truly understand what was causing the strange feelings he would get about certain people and things, but now, he could understand where these feelings were coming even if he didn’t understand them.

Harry slowly walked up the stairs, running his hand up the banister, making it stand out as the only clean item in a house of dust. He had mixed feelings about this place. He couldn’t exactly figure out what he felt about this house. It seemed as if different items triggered different feelings. A glance to a strange troll-leg umbrella stand that should have left him feeling disgusted made him feel nostalgic and brought a faint smile to his lips, but there was a hint of sadness that went with it that he couldn’t figure out. It was a troll umbrella stand for goodness sake! It  shouldn’t be causing him to get this emotional.

He had just reached the second-floor landing when he heard a loud pop from behind him. He twisted on heels in shock and fell back on the steps going to the third floor. A very old, very dirty house elf stood behind him.

“Who’s be trespassing into Mistress’ house? She would be so furious. Kreacher get rid of filth,” The house elf now known as Kreacher snarled.  

A strange feeling passed through Harry, a mixture of fury and pity before he stamped it down in order to focus on the matter at hand. He quickly stood up and brushed off the dust before saying, “I’m allowed in the house, Kreacher. Sirius keyed me into the wards and everything. You can’t kick me out.”

The house elf sneered at him before disappearing again. Harry shook his head. He had heard Sirius complain about Kreacher. Evidently, Kreacher was an old family house elf that Sirius couldn’t get rid of. He would spend the day insulting anyone in eyesight and moaning about how his old mistress would be ashamed of the world had turned out. Harry had forgotten that Sirius had ordered him to maintain Grimmauld Place in order to keep the house elf as far away from him and his family as possible. From the state of the house, Harry could tell he hadn’t been taking good care of it at all.

Harry continued up to the library before he could be stopped again by the annoying house elf. He had things to do and not enough time to be stopped by insulting house elves.

Harry stopped in front to large double doors. The wood was dark and imposing with golden accenting that would have looked amazing if it wasn’t dusty and slightly banged up with random dents and scratches on them. He pushed open one of the heavy doors and entered the library.

It was like walking into the forgotten library of a castle that had been abandoned for decades. A thick layer of dust covered everything and he could see dust floating in the air. Bookshelves lined the room and walls, going all the way up to the ceiling. There was even a rolling ladder that could be moved around the edge of the room so that people could reach the books on the top shelves. 

Harry sighed and rubbed his hands together. “Time to get to work.”

* * *

Harry groaned. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor surrounded by piles of old books and even scrolls. He had been at his for hours now and still haven’t found anything yet. A week of little to no sleep was finally catching up to him and affecting his research. His vision was blurring, and he kept accidently reading the same sentence over and over again.

Harry threw the book he had been trying to read across the room. He had found absolutely nothing! This was ridiculous! The Black family was supposed to be the best library in the wizarding world, and he still hadn’t found anything. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be. Who knows! Maybe this whole deal with St. Mungo’s would actually help him with his dreams. He would just have to get over the fact that he’d be away from his family for weeks at a time… and locked up in a hospital, being tested on. Yeah, he’d be able to get over that, right?

Harry slowly stood up, ignoring how his bones popped from not moving for so long, before stumbling over to one of the few windows in the room. It was probably morning by now, and the sunlight might wake him up by now. He pulled back the heavy drapes before blinking in surprise. It evidently wasn’t as late as he thought it was. The sun had just barely risen. Well, at least now he knew that he wouldn’t have to worry about being caught sneaking back into the house.

Harry huffed and went back to the bookshelves. He would try one last time before going back home. If he couldn't find anything by then, that just meant it was meant to be.

He began to walk up and down the aisles, looking for anything that looked like it might have a solution to his problem. He had already gone through all the obvious choices and now he had to search through the more unlikely books. It didn't matter if it was dark magic (or even black magic, but he hadn't exactly admitted that to himself yet). He was beyond caring at this point.

He had figured out how the aisles were organized several hours ago, but that wasn't helping him now. The books mainly contained spells and potions considered ‘light’ towards the front, but the further he went into the library, the darker the spells got. By now, Harry had gotten to the last few rows, and he was beginning to get worried again. If he couldn't find anything here, he wasn't going to find anything at all.

When he got to the very last aisle, he sighed in disappointment. It looked as if this whole trip was pointless. He turned around and began to walk away, but something caught his eye. He stopped. There was a large black book hidden on top of the shelf, only the very edge of the book was visible. Curiosity got the best of him, and he reached up to grab it, but he couldn't reach it. Harry sighed and used the shelves as steps. His fingers just barely caught the edge of the book before the shelf began to sway dangerously. Quickly, he grabbed the book and hopped down.

Harry glanced at the book in his hands. Now that he could see the entire book, he realized it was quite old. The pages were yellowing and hung out slightly from its binding. The cover itself was quite simple, with plain black leather and gold lettering that spelled out in cursive ‘ _ Magik of the Minds _ ’.

_ “Huh,”  _ Harry thought, “ _ This just might work.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you guys think? I know I diverged from canon with that dream, but I have reasons why! I promise! (Plus I love young Tom. He may be a bad guy, but he is a very interesting character.) And it looks like Harry sneaks out of the house a lot. Oops. But can you blame the guy? His parents are a little on the overprotective/exasperated side. But that led Harry one step closer to figuring out his dreams (and, wow, that sounded really girly and all I can hear now is Harry saying in a really high pitched voice saying 'what do my dreams mean? how will they affect my life?')! Anyway, I hoped everyone liked it! If you have any comments, suggestions, critiques, don't be afraid to comment below! Thanks for reading!


	4. Bathroom Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry thinks he's found a way to stop his dreams, and James sees something he will never unsee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody. I'm back early...ish. I hope you like this chapter; it took forever for me to write since my computer has been crashing every other hour. Anyway, I hope you like it! Don't be afraid to tell me what you think!

Harry carefully stirred in one of the last ingredients of the potion he was brewing. He had been right. The book he had found in the old Black house had been extremely helpful. It was probably one of the most interesting books he had ever read. It was full of interesting potions and spells that all centered around the mind. There were spells to create delusions, manipulate dreams, and even cause insanity. Harry ignored the fact that everything in the book would be considered dark magic and that the Ministry would crucify him if they ever found it in his possession. The heir of the most well known Light family caught with books on dark magic during the war against You-Know-Who? He'd be lucky if they only locked him in Azkaban and threw away the key. Harry chose not to focus on that, though. Instead, he focused on learning as much as he could from the book.

He had even found two branches of magic he had never heard about called Legilimency and Occlumency. As far as he could tell, Legilimency was breaking into another person's mind while Occlumency was protecting your mind from invasion although the book said that Occlumency was commonly used to organize the mind. He made a point to mark the pages. It would be handy to be able to protect his mind since there was a war brewing in the wizarding world.

But the most important thing he had found was the Memini Somniorum potion. It was possibly one of the most terrifying potions he had ever made, and that included polyjuice potion. Harry probably wouldn't have even tried to make it if he wasn't so desperate. (Who was he kidding? He totally would have made and drank it.) The potion was supposed to bring back old dreams. He would relive (redream?) every dream he had ever had and remember them clearly after he woke up. Harry thought that if he could finally remember the nightmares then he would stop having them. That's what all the dreams had in common; he would always forget only problem was the fact that he was terrified to drink the potion. It had five drops of Belladonna and seven drops of Hemlock in it. It could very well kill him if he made it wrong.

Harry carefully ladled the dark purple potion into several bottles. His hands shook slightly as he held the bottles. Exhaustion was finally getting to him. It had taken him five days of constant care to brew this potion. He had fallen asleep at the cauldron several times only to awaken to a sharp pain and the smell of burnt flesh when his hand slipped into the fire.

His family was beginning to get scared of his self-exile; Harry could tell. Nobody had been allowed into his room since he started brewing which worried his siblings to no end. His room had always been a safe haven for them and it worried them that for the first time in their lives they weren't allowed in. Harry couldn't afford to let them near the potion. It was dangerous enough for him to be brewing it; he wasn't letting his little brother and sister anywhere near something so dangerous. Unfortunately, his siblings had decided to team up with their parents for the first time in their lives. The younger two had always taken Harry's side in everything, but, evidently, that didn't include Harry blocking them from seeing him. The family had started to take turns trying to coax Harry out of his room since he had locked and warded it so that nobody could get in. He had decided to use all the tricks he learned over the years, thinking if it was ever a time to use them, it would be now when he was so close to stopping his nightmares. James had been furious (and secretly proud) when everything he had learned during his Auror training couldn't get him into his son's room. After his parents and the Marauders tried to break into his room and failed, his family resorted to other methods. They had tried everything from begging and pleading to blackmail and threats. Nothing had worked since he couldn't afford to leave the potion. Luckily, he had a little bit of food stashed in his room or else he knew his parents would have tried to trap him in the kitchen.

Harry glanced at his watch before swearing. It was five in the afternoon, and he needed to drink this potion now since it was more potent after just being made. There was a slight problem, though. The potion had a very specific instructions set of instructions. First, he needed to drink a pain reliever potion first so that he wouldn't become violently ill after drinking the dream potion. (Thankfully, he always kept those on hand.) After he drank the Memini Somniorum potion, he needed to slip into a deep meditative state so that he could dream without interruptions. The book suggested laying in a body of water such as a pool or a bathtub full of water since water was known for its calming and healing effects in the wizarding world. The only problem was he didn't have a bathtub in his bathroom. All he had was a shower, and the book specifically said to lie in a body of water. The only bathtub in the house was at the end of the hall which meant he would have to walk past his younger siblings' room. It was going to be nearly impossible after avoiding them for almost a week.

Harry carefully began to take down the wards surrounding his room so he could get out. Maybe he could sneak out without anyone noticing. As soon as he was finished with the spellwork, Harry carefully peeked out into the hallway. Thankfully, nobody was out and about, but Ivy's door was open. He wouldn't know until he passed it if she was in there, and by then, it would be too late and she would see him. Harry cast a Disillusionment spell on himself. It would be enough to trick Ivy, but he doubted it would get him past anyone else in his family.

Harry carefully stepped out of his room and silently closed the door behind him before making a dash for the bathroom. A quick glance into Ivy's room showed that she wasn't there. He couldn't tell if that should be relieving or worrying. It seemed like the only one in his room was Julian. Harry quickly ducked into the bathroom and locked the door. Harry started to apply the wards he had on his room before he paused. If he put the wards on the room then it would be obvious that he was in here and then it would lead to awkward questions when he came out. After all, who put wards up when they went to the bathroom unless they were doing something particularly...embarrassing. Harry shook his head and decided to forgo the magical means. Instead, he shoved the chair to the vanity underneath the door knob. It would buy him time if his parents did try to come in, although it was doubtful since nobody ever used this bathroom.

Harry dropped the Disillusionment charm and began to draw himself a bath. Harry perched on the edge of the large clawfoot bathtub, waiting for it to fill. Carefully, he uncorked the purple bottle in his hand before swirling the liquid around. It truly was an odd potion. It contained deadly poisons yet it was so beautiful. That could be a metaphor for most things in life, though. Usually, the most beautiful things were the deadliest.

Harry drew his wand preparing to do the final step to make the potion compatible to him. He drew his wand down the half-healed cut on his finger from a few days ago, holding back a winced. Blood immediately welled up and began to run down his finger. Carefully, Harry positioned his finger over the mouth of the bottle and let two drops of his blood fall into the potion. As soon as his blood touched the liquid, it bubbled and the blood turned a strange silvery color that reminded Harry of how unicorn blood was described to look like. The silver blood left strange streaks in the potion, not fully mixing with the purple liquid. It was time.

Harry quickly shut off the water and set both the pain reliever and the dream potion on the little self beside the tub before undressing to his boxers, leaving his clothes in a heap by the bathtub. He did not want to be naked if his parents came bursting in. It was awkward enough as it was if they tried to come in.

Harry slipped into the water, ignoring how nervous he was. He needed to do this. He needed to remember. Harry reached over and grabbed the pain reliever potion before uncorking it with his teeth and gulping it down. Wincing at the terrible taste, he put the empty bottle back down on the shelf and picked up the dream potion. Harry took a deep, calming breath. He could do this. He knew he had brewed the potion right. Everything would be fine. In fact, everything would be better than fine because once he drank this potion, he would remember his dreams for the first ever. Determination filled him and Harry quickly drank the potion before he became scared once more.

As soon as the first drop touched his tongue, he began to feel dizzy. The room was spinning around him, and blobs of strange colors filled his vision, blocking part of his view of the room. The potion had a strange taste too. It was thicker than he thought it would be and had a tangy taste to it that he hadn't expected. When he emptied the bottle, Harry tried to put it back down on the shelf but frowned when he looked down to find three hands holding the now light purple bottle. That wasn't right. He only had two hands. Why did he now have six? Harry shook his head in confusion, but immediately regretted it when he felt extremely dizzy. He dropped the bottle, ignoring how it clattered to the floor, and sank deeper into the water until his face was just barely out of the water. Harry hummed in satisfaction. Yes, this was perfect. Exactly what he needed. He didn't feel dizzy anymore. In fact, he felt- he felt like he was floating on a cloud! Harry giggled at that image before he began to feel exhausted again.

 _"I...I should sleep. I deserve it...after this week! Sleep...sounds….amazing…."_ Harry thought before drifting into the realm of dreams.

* * *

_Harry sat curled up in his cupboard, sniffling quietly. It was late, and Uncle Vernon wouldn't be happy if Harry woke him up. He had already made his uncle mad once today; he couldn't afford to do it again._

_Harry winced when he accidently touched his arm. He hadn't finished his chores fast enough today, and Dudley had told_ on _him. It wasn't his fault! Dudley had spilt blue paint on the carpet! How was he supposed to get that up? He had tried to explain it to Uncle Vernon, but he had been so mad! Uncle Vernon had been yelling at him and then he pushed him._

_Harry shook his head. No, he slipped. That had to be it. Uncle Vernon wouldn't push him down the stairs...would he? And he seemed scared when Harry couldn't move his arm, and it just dangled down awkwardly. He panicked even more when he saw the strange bump in the middle of Harry's arm. But...Uncle Vernon only shoved him into his cupboard and locked it. Weren't grown-ups supposed to kiss boo-boos better? He had seen Aunt Petunia do it to Dudley when he scraped his knee. Surely he deserved a kiss for this? It looked so much worse and it hurt so bad! It deserved two kisses._

_Harry sniffled again, quietly, and carefully drew a cake he had seen Dudley get once into the dust using his good arm. "Happy Bi'thday to me. Happy Bi'thday to me. Happy Bi'thday, Deaw Hawwy. Happy Bi'thday to me…"_

* * *

_Harry stalked down the hallways of Hogwarts, his face carefully blank, but he was seething on the inside. He was going to kill that bitch one of these days. She was a teacher! She was supposed to protect the students, not torture them! His hand throbbed just at the thought. How was he going to survive another detention with her?_

_Harry glanced down at his hand. The scarf he had it wrapped with was soaked through completely, turning the golden stripes red. It hadn't stopped bleeding since last night. He was kind of scared to look at the words actually. He had been carving them into his hand long enough that he knew it would scar. He would be stuck with the constant reminder of that bitch._

_The closer he got to her office, the more his steps began to falter. His courage was giving out on him. He didn't want to do this. He was so fucking tired of everything. He was tired of lying to his friends. He was tired of people calling him a liar. He was tired of Dumbledore looking at him like he was a monster!_

_Her door finally appeared in front of him. His hand shook as he knocked twice on the door. Harry knew he wouldn't survive another detention, not if she got mad like last time. Last time the shakes didn't stop for-_

_"Hello, Mr. Potter. I'm so glad you could finally join me. You're ten minutes late."_

_Harry suppressed a wince. That was definitely going to add an hour or two onto his detention. "I'm sorry, Professor Umbridge. I had to stop and talk with Professor McGonagall."_

_Umbridge tutted and shook her head. "That's no excuse, Mr. Potter. Now, come on. I know you're dallying. Unless you've learned your lesson?"_

_Harry's face hardened. "I don't know what you're talking about."_

_"In that case, you know the drill, Mr. Potter. Why don't we start with three hours this time, hmm?"_

* * *

_Harry sat quietly on his swing. It was extra dark tonight. The park had long since emptied. The Dursley's had kicked him out for the night since he hadn't finished weeding the garden before it got dark._

_Harry kicked his legs, quietly. It had been one hell of a year, and coming back to the Dursley's had just put that in perspective. He had met his dad's friends, learned he had a godfather, and learned his parents had been betrayed by one of their best friends in the course of one school year. For the first time in his life, he actually knew something about his parents besides the fact he looked like his Dad and had his Mum's eyes. Now he knew his Dad was a prankster, and his Mum was brilliant. It wasn't enough, though. He didn't know how his parents fell in love or when they were even married. Why did nobody think to tell him these things? Did they just assume he would know these things since he was their son? It wasn't fair. None of this was_ fair _! Why was any kind of family he ever got stripped away from him?!_

_He had been so close to having a family! It had been right there in front of him. Sirius had claimed Harry could come and live with him, but that all went out the window after that rat escaped. He had been so close, but now, now he hadn't even heard from Sirius in two months. There went his shot of ever having a loving family._

_Harry looked up at the sky and picked out the brightest star in the sky._

_"Star light, star bright," Harry whispered, "_ First _star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I_ might, _have this wish I wish tonight."_

_Harry squeezed his eyes tight, only one thought running through his head. 'I wish I had a loving family.'_

* * *

_Harry, Hermione_ , _and Ron sat curled up on the couch in front of the fire, giggles escaping them every now and then. The rest of the Gryffindors had gone to bed hours ago._

_"Whose bright idea was it to stay up all night on a school day?" Hermione mumbled into Ron's shoulder._

_Ron chuckled. "Probably the same witch who thought she could drink an entire pack of butterbeer without getting tipsy."_

_"Ooops. I forgot I did that."_

_Harry snuggled down deeper into the pillows. "What I want to know is whose idea was it to sneak into the Slytherin common room to turn Draco's hair pink."_

_"That was your idea, dumbass!" his friends chorused._

_"Oh. Right." Harry mumbled before complaining, "Why haven't we gotten any pain relief potions yet? They really didn't appreciate us sneaking into their common room like that."_

_Hermione giggled. "It was totally worth_ it _though. And I think we decided to drink a bottle of Firewhiskey for 'medicinal purposes'."_

_Ron fake gasped. "Who are you and what have you done to Hermione?!"_

_The group started giggling again before falling silent. Hermione began to draw random patterns on the couch cushion with her finger. "Do you think we'll survive this war?"_

_A somber feeling settled over the group. "Maybe," Harry whispered eventually, "I hope we do."_

_"It's likely that at least one of us will die," Hermione whispered._

_"Well, I hope it's not either of you two," Harry said throwing an arm around his friends, "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."_

_Ron snorted. "We all know you'd be dead by now if it weren't for us, mate!"_

_"Yeah," Harry said quietly, a small smile forming on his face, "I probably would be."_

* * *

_Harry bit down on his tongue, trying to stop scream from escaping. Blood began to fill his mouth, causing him to choke. It felt like his blood had turned into lava. It was pulsing in him, through his heart, through his head. He could hear loud screams fill the air. They were torturing someone else as well. Wait, no, that sound was him. Suddenly, the pain got worse. It felt like his head was going to split open. Oh God, make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!_

Harry began to writhe in the bathtub. Water sloshed out of the tub and splashed into the floor. As the memories of the pain got worse, he began to whimper quietly. With every jerk of his head, he sank deeper into the water as if he was trying to escape the pain.

_Suddenly, the pain disappeared as if it had never been there. He gasped for breath before leaning over and coughing up a glob of blood. Harry tried to slow down the shakes. He wasn't going to show he was still in pain. Harry carefully used the tombstone pulled himself up, ignoring has his legs felt like jello. Snickers filled the air when he almost collapsed to the ground again._

_Voldemort raised his hand, silencing the Death Eaters. "Now, now, it is improper to laugh at someone so clearly helpless," He said with a smirk, "We are purebloods after all."_

_Harry snarled when Voldemort stepped on Cedric's back to get closer to Harry. The boy was only seventeen, barely even an adult, and he had ordered Wormtail to kill him like he was nothing. A spare. Voldemort was truly a monster._

_A smirk slowly came across his face that terrified Harry deeply. "What do you say, boys? Let's teach this filth to respect his superiors."_

* * *

_Spells were flying all over the room. Dangerous flashes of reds, blues, and greens were thrown back and forth between the two groups. They wouldn't last much longer. The full Order wasn't here to help. Only about half had been able to show, and the group that Harry had originally lead into the Ministry were all grievously injured. Harry stood back to back with Sirius, each dueling a Death Eater._

_"Harry, get out of here! Take the rest of your friends and run!" Sirius shouted over the rest of noise in the chamber._

_"No! I'm not leaving you! If I leave you here now, you're going to end up dead!" Harry sent a stunner at Dolohov, but the Death Eater quickly dodged it._

_Sirius sighed. "I know you want to help but-"_

_"Sirius, watch out!"_

_In the middle of Sirius speech, Malfoy Senior sent a killing curse at him. Harry quickly shoved his godfather out of the way and disarmed Malfoy at the same time._

_"Nice one, James!"_

_Harry froze before going back to the duel, not saying a word. He went through the motions stiffly. Sirius didn't seem to notice. He bounded up almost immediately and was now completely engrossed with the duel._

_He should have expected this. Everyone always compared him to his parents. It had been only a matter of time before somebody slipped up and called him by his father's name. He just hadn't thought it would be his godfather._

_Harry dodged a purple curse he didn't recognize. He shouldn't let this affect him. Sirius adored him and would do anything with him. They were in the middle of a battle for Merlin's sake; Harry couldn't take offense to everything the man said. This was the first time his godfather had been in a battle since the first war, and Harry looked almost exactly like his father. Sirius probably had a flashback or something to when he had James protecting his back. He just got confused was all. Harry could understand. It was fine. Everything was fine. He would just ignore what his godfather had said, and maybe the entire thing would go away._

_Harry finally disarmed the Death Eater he was fighting and stupefied him. He turned back to his godfather. "I'm going to get Neville, and get out of here! He won't last much longer. Watch your back!"_

_Harry took off running for Neville before he could hear Sirius' answer. Neville was cornered by two Death Eaters at the far side of the room. Blood was covering half his face and he was walking with a severe limp. Harry quickly disarmed the Death Eaters and grabbed Neville._

_A small smile flickered across his face. "Thanks, Harry! I appreciate the help."_

_"No problem," Harry said breathlessly, "Now, come on. We've got to get out of here."_

_Neville winced when Harry tried to drag him a few steps. "I don't think I can. Something's wrong with my leg. I can't walk on it."_

_Harry forced down a sigh and wrapped Neville's arm around his shoulders. "Come on. I'll help you."_

_The two slowly began to make their way towards the exit. They were forced to stop every few minutes to dodge stray curses from the duel. A voice filtered above the rest. A voice Harry recognized._

_"Is that all you've got, cousin? Azkaban must have really done a number on you!"_

_Harry turned around in time to see Bellatrix shriek. "How dare you sully the Black name! You are fighting against the very thing our family stands for! La famille est toujours pur!"_

_Sirius laughed as he dodged another spell. "La famille est morte parce que leur pureté!"_

_Bellatrix screamed in fury and let out a flurry of curses. Sirius simply laughed and danced out of the way of them._

_"Come on, Bella! Show me what you-"_

_"Stupify!"_

_Harry watched it as if it was slow motion. A red streak left Bellatrix's wand heading straight for Sirius. He was too close to the veil._

_He took off running for his godfather, hoping he could help. "Sirius, watch out!"_

_Sirius didn't hear him. In fact, it looked like he wasn't processing what was happening at all. The red light hit him square in the chest. His smile faded slightly and he fell back into the veil._

Harry tossed and turned in the water. His arms knocked against the sides of the tub with a bruising force. He slipped deep into the water, trying to avoid the memories. He could barely breathe anymore. His nose just barely stuck out from the water.

_An inhuman shriek escaped Harry's lips. He ran towards the veil but a pair of arms stopped him from going any further._

_"Let me go! I have to help Sirius! Sirius! Sirius, come back!"_

_"It's too late, Harry. He's gone! There's nothing you can do!" a voice said but it sounded like it was far away. All the sound from the battle was drowned out. All he could focus on was Sirius._

_"No! He's not gone! He just fell! He's fine!"_

_"He's gone, Harry!" the voice said._

_"Let me go! I can save him! I can help him. He's fine! Just let me go."_

_"I can't. I'm so sorry. There's nothing we can do. He's dead," the voice that Harry finally realized was Remus'._

_"How can you say that?! He's your friend! He's fine! You saw him! He just fell through the veil. He's fine! "_

_Remus forced him around until Harry was facing him. "Listen to me, Harry! Sirius fell through the Veil of Death. There is nothing we can do for him."_

_"No," Harry whispered in shock, "No, you're wrong."_

_A shrill laugh filtered through the air. "I killed Sirius Black!"_

_Harry turned around to face his godfather's murderer. She was laughing and jumping up and down victoriously. "I killed Sirius Black! I killed Sirius Black!" She sang loudly. She paused when she saw the raw fury in Harry's eyes. "Oh! Is poor baby Potter sad?" she baby-talked to him. "Are you sad that your dog had to be put down?"_

_A terrifying calm settled over Harry. All that was left was a cold fury. "She killed Sirius. I'll kill her."_

* * *

_Harry carefully opened the door to the old, abandoned houses, keeping his wand at the ready. It swung open silently. Harry narrowed his eyes at that. This building looked like it had been abandoned years ago. The door should have creaked. Instead, it swung open silently as if it was regularly used._

_Harry exchanged a glance with Hermione. She nodded before quietly saying, "Homenum Revelio."_

_After a moment she turned back to him and nodded. Someone was inside the building. Hermione held up her hands, lifting six fingers. Six someones were inside the building._

_Harry gnawed on his lip before nodding his head towards the door. They needed food desperately. Harry couldn't even remember the last time he had eaten something. He and Hermione had been running for days now, and this was the first house they had come across. They wouldn't last much longer if they didn't get some rest._

_Hermione's eyes widened at his gesture, and she shook her head wildly. Harry glared at her and nodded towards the door again as he pulled out the invisibility cloak. Hermione glared right back at him, her lips turning into a thin line before she conceded and stepped close to him. The cloak barely covered the two of them, but it would do. He cast a Disillusionment charm_ over _them, though, just in case the cloak slipped._

_Harry carefully stepped into the house, keeping his wand ready in case they were attacked. It was eerily quiet in a way no house that had six people in it should be. The house looked like a plain muggle house, except for the fact it seemed to have been abandoned. The family room looked as if the people had just walked out one day. Unmoving pictures of a smiling family still sat on the mantle, and the furniture hadn't been touched. There was a thick layer of dust over everything, although the floor was suspiciously clean._

_Harry slowly made his way into the kitchen. Now, this room looked as if it had been ransacked. All the cupboard doors were open showing empty shelves. Somebody must have had the same idea as him. Harry turned back to Hermione, pulling the cloak off himself and wrapping it around her. "Why don't you look for food? I'm going to check up stairs."_

_Hermione grabbed onto his arm, her nails dug into his skin. "We shouldn't split up, Harry!" she whispered furiously, "Remember what happened last time?! You almost died!"_

_Harry winced when she brought that up again. That hadn't been his fault! "I'd rather know where these six people are rather than be surprised by them, Don't you think it's a little odd how quiet it is?"_

_"Fine," Hermione huffed, "But you're taking cloak. You always get into more trouble than I do."_

_Harry flashed her a grin before wrapping himself in the cloak. He had some people to find._

_Harry began to search the house. It was a fairly small house; he should be able to find six people. Nothing was on the ground floor so that left the upstairs. This had the potential to be very bad. There would only be one way out if he went upstairs besides Apparition, but he wouldn't leave Hermione. He wasn't going to leave her, not after everything they'd been through._

_Harry made his way up the steps, testing out each one to see if they creaked. There_ was _only three rooms on the top level, and all of them were bedrooms. They all looked like they had been abandoned on a normal day. The beds were unmade and clothes were scattered across the floor._

 _Every room was empty. He had searched every room extensively, but he had found nothing. Harry growled. If Hermione said there_ was _six people here than there were six people here, he just had to find them. He had searched all the rooms-_

_Harry paused. What if he hadn't searched all the rooms? Sure everything looked proportioned on these two floors, but from outside, the second floor looked much larger. Maybe this house had an attic. It would explain why the ceilings were so low on this floor._

_Harry began whispering every charm he knew that would reveal something hidden. A smirk flickered across his face when a pull out ladder appeared on the ceiling. That explained a lot._

_Harry paused before he pulled down the stairs. Did he really want to do this? Surely they had would felt the charms they had used to hide the stairs disappear. They would be ready for him. His curiosity was getting the better of him, though. If they were enemies they would have attacked him by now. It was probably just a group of scared muggleborns or halfbloods. He needed to check._

_With a sharp yank, he pulled down the stairs, ready to bolt at any moment. He waited tensely for a moment for the group to attack him but nothing happened. Not a sound came from the attic. Something wasn't right._

_Harry slowly began to climb the stairs, making sure to keep the cloak wrapped tightly around him and to stay on one side of the_ the stairs. _They wouldn't be as likely to hit him if he was on the edge of the stairs rather than the middle._

_"Oh," Harry whispered breathlessly when he stepped into the room._

_He had been partially right. The people in the room were obviously not a threat to him. They weren't a threat to anyone anymore._

_The room had been set up as a hospital of sorts. It was a strange mix of muggle technology and magical healing means. Six beds lined two of the walls; three on each wall. On each of the beds laid a person. Two of the people were obviously older. They looked to be in their late thirties to early forties. Their beds were side by side and closer together than the rest. Harry could see matching wedding bands on their fingers._

_The other four beds had children of various ages on them. Three of the beds had boys on them, ranging from about eighteen all the way down to around eight. The last bed had a small girl on it who reminded Harry too much of Luna for him to be comfortable with._

_He hung his head low. He hadn't expected this at all. Scared muggleborns, yes, but catatonic people, no._

_"What happened to them?"_

_Hermione stood behind him, staring at the people on the beds. A deep sadness seemed to resonate_ from _her, but she wasn't letting it affect her. Three years ago, she would be close to tears, but now she looked at the family with a steely look in her eyes._

_"I think they were the family who lived in this house." Harry walked over to the bed nearest to him. The young girl, who looked barely even ten, was on it, staring at the ceiling. Her blue eyes were oddly blank. He had seen that look a few times before._

_"They were kissed," Harry muttered before something caught his eyes. The girl's shirt was slightly pulled up, showing part of her stomach. He carefully pulled it up past her bellybutton, being as gentle as he could possibly be._

_"Harry, what are you doing?!" Hermione hissed._

_"I think they were tortured first."_

_There, carved into her skin in large block letters, was the word 'Mudblood'._

_Harry heard Hermione gasp behind him. "Oh, that poor girl."_

_"Why'd you come up here anyway? I thought you were going to look for food?"_

_"I was, but I looked outside, and I saw a girl."_

_Harry looked over at her sharply. "Did she see you?"_

_"She's dead."_

_Harry winced. "What happened to her?"_

_"I'm pretty sure she died of natural causes, or, well, she wasn't murdered. I think she fell off the porch and down the stairs. Her neck was broken. She was a witch, though. I found her wand."_

_Harry sighed. "She was probably the one taking care of these people. It would explain why they don't look like they have been taken care of for a while."_

_A solemn silence came over the two. Although they had seen a lot of horrible things in the past few years, it was still depressing to see an innocent family in a state that most people considered worse than death. Their only crime was having two witches for daughters._

_"This could have been my family," Hermione finally whispered._

_"Don't think like that, Hermione!"_

_"But it could have been! This is obviously a muggle family that was targeted because they had two muggleborn witches! That girl out there with the broken neck could have been me! This could have been my family if I hadn't sent them to Australia."_

_Harry grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. "Hermione, you can't think like that! You'll only torture yourself."_

_A series of sharp cracks sounded outside the house. The two froze, staring at each other. "They're here," They whispered at the same time._

_Hermione paled as she looked around the room. "What are we going to do with them?! We can't hide them again; their caretaker is dead."_

_Harry's face became completely blank as he stood deep in thought. "Hermione," he said eventually, "Why don't you go back downstairs to get some food. We'll need it if we're going to continue to run. I'll figure out what to do with them."_

_"What are you going to do?" Hermione asked suspiciously._

_Harry growled and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, but we need to hurry or else the Death Eaters are going to catch us like they did Ron! Now, go!"_

_Hermione gasped sharply before her face hardened. "Fine. Do what you want," she said as she stiffly walked out of the room and down the stairs._

_Harry groaned and kicked one the walls hard enough to break through the plaster. He hadn't wanted to bring up Ron, he truly hadn't, but he needed to get her out of the room. She would never agree with what he was about to do._

_There was nothing he could do for this family. If St. Mungo's hadn't been compromised, he would send them there, but Death Eaters had infiltrated the hospital at the start of the war. If anyone one who was remotely Light went to the hospital they would either go missing or die mysteriously. He didn't want to think about what would happen to a group of muggles and muggleborns. If Harry sent the family there, he didn't doubt they would be dead before the day was up or worse, they would go missing and end up back with the people that tortured them._

_There was no other place he could send the family. He didn't know who to trust. There were many spies on both sides of the army. If Harry sent them to the wrong person, they'd end up dead. He couldn't even send them to the Weasleys even though he trusted them with his life. The Weasleys were barely treading water, and that was only because Percy was vouching for them at the Ministry. If they were caught harboring muggles and muggleborns, they would be dead before you could say 'Avada Kedavra'._

_Harry couldn't leave the family here either. The girl, who he was assuming was one of the couple's daughters, was dead. From the state of the family, she had been their only caretaker. They were soulless. Nothing was inside their bodies but blood and muscles. They had no spirit in them. If he hid the family again, they would only die a slow death, but that was only if the Death Eaters didn't find them. If the Death Eaters found them, the family would end up getting tortured again even though they were now soulless. There was absolutely nothing he could do to save these people. Not in the few minutes that he was given. There was only one thing he could do for them._

_Harry ran over to the potion cabinet, looking for anything that might work. Thankfully, the girl must have been interested in potions or just very prepared. He grabbed the small bottle with the label of Aconite on it. This would work perfectly._

_If Harry couldn't save these innocent people, the least he could do was give them a quick and painless death. Anything would be better than whatever the Death Eaters would do to them. Hopefully, the family would be dead long before the Death Eater even reached them._

_Harry slipped over to the bed nearest to him, the one with the eighteen-year-old boy on it. He gently opened the other boy's mouth, ignoring how his hands shook, and allowed a few drops to fall into it. He ran to the next bed before he could see the boy's reaction to it._

_Harry quickly did the same to the others. The hardest one was the little boy. He couldn't have been more than eight years old. He was an innocent. Harry shook his head and reminded himself of what would happen if the boy ended up in the hands of the Death Eaters. This was clearly the better option for the little boy._

_There was only one person left, the little girl who he had secretly dubbed Little Luna in his head. He gently opened her mouth and tilted the bottle over it. Nothing came out. Harry's eyes widened. He hadn't used a lot, only about two drops for every person. He couldn't be out. Harry shook the bottle, hoping that a drop would fall, but nothing came out. With a loud curse, he ran back to the cabinet. He knocked away the insignificant bottles, looking for anything that might work. There was nothing else in the cabinet that would work as a poison._

_Harry ran his hands through his hair and squeezed his eyes tightly closed. He didn't have much time left. He couldn't just leave her here. Who knew what the Death Eaters would do to a poor, defensive girl? There was only one other thing he could do._

_Harry's face hardened, and he snapped his wrist, allowing his wand to fall into his hand. He stepped closer to the girl until he was standing at the foot of her bed. This was the only way left. He couldn't allow the Death Eaters to get a hold of this tiny, little girl and do who knows what to her. "Avada Kedavra."_

Harry slipped under the water.

* * *

Julian yawned and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. Harry had been acting weirdly all week. He had locked Julian and Ivy out of his room for the first time in their lives. Julian had spent the entire week trying to talk to his brother but he was ignoring him.

He couldn't figure out why Harry was ignoring them. His older brother knew they would always be there to support him, didn't he? Julian and Ivy were willing to do anything for him. He should know that by now.

Julian sighed. His brother was really getting to him. He needed comfort food immediately. Maybe his Dad would be willing to make him some hot chocolate.

With a loud yawn, Julian tumbled out of bed and stumbled out of his room. He walked past his siblings' rooms and down the stairs before freezing. Something didn't feel right. Julian quickly ran back to his brother's room, his sock feet slipping on the wooden stairs.

Something wasn't right with Harry's room; Julian could feel it. Something was different. Julian stared at the closed door in confusion before his eyes widened. The wards were gone! Harry was letting them back in!

The redhead smiled brightly and ran into Harry's room. "Harry! Harry!"

Julian froze when he saw the state of the room. "Harry?"

The room was an absolute mess. Books and papers were strewn throughout the room. In the very center of the room was a cauldron and various potion ingredients.

"What?" Julian whispered in confusion as he stepped closer to the cauldron, "Harry never leaves out his potion ingredients."

Harry would never leave a mess like this. His room was always the tidiest of the three siblings. The potion ingredients were what worried Julian the most. Harry knew that leaving certain things out would cause them to go bad. He had drilled that into Julian's head ever since he could remember.

Julian bit his lip nervously. Something wasn't right. He had to find Harry. He left Harry's room and began to walk downstairs again when he heard something. A strange sloshing sound was coming from the bathroom. Worry spiked in Julian. Nobody ever used that bathroom, and since Harry was the only one he didn't know where he was at, it had to be him in the bathroom.

Julian knocked quietly on the door. "Harry? Harry, are you alright?"

Harry didn't respond, but the splashing got louder, and there was a strange thumping noise. Julian tried to open the door, but it was firmly locked. "Harry? Harry, open the door! Let me in!"

Suddenly all the noise stopped, making the room eerily silent. "Are you alright, Harry?" Julian paused, "Look, if you don't open up, I'm going to get Dad!"

Julian waited a few minutes, but Harry didn't say anything nor did the door unlock. He scowled. "Fine. I'm getting Dad!"

Julian bolted down the stairs into the kitchen. James was making a sandwich at the counter .

"Dad! Dad, Harry left his-Why are you making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

James blushed before stammering, "It's for uh, Ivy. Yeah, it's for Ivy," James shoved the sandwich away, "What did you say about Harry?"

"Oh, right!" Julian became serious again, "The wards on Harry's room are gone, and he wasn't in his room."

James paled and cut his son off. "What? Then where is he? He hasn't come downstairs. Crap, he hasn't run off again, has he?"

Julian rolled his eyes. "That's what I was trying to tell you! I think Harry's in the bathroom at the end of the hall. I heard some weird noises in there, but when I tried to get in, they stopped."

"Weird noises?" James said carefully, "Like what?"

"It was a weird sloshing sound. Like when you get the bathtub too full and the water splashes out! And then there was a weird thumping sound. I thought he had fallen, but the sound kept happening."

James was beginning to get worried, but he hid it well in front of his son. "Okay, you go give this sandwich to your sister. She's outside. I'll go check on Harry."

Julian nodded as he grabbed the sandwich and ran outside. James quickly grabbed his wand and went upstairs. When he made it to the bathroom, it was completely silent. So quiet, he doubted anyone was in it. James rapped loudly on the door. "You in there, Harry?"

He waited for an answer, but nothing happened. There wasn't even the sound of movement in the room. "If you don't answer me, I'm coming in."

He waited a few more seconds before trying to open the door. The doorknob wouldn't move at all. "Harry, open the door!"

When it was obvious that his son wasn't going to do anything, James aimed his wand at the door and magically unlocked it. He tried to open the door again, but ran into when the door didn't open like he expected it to. James rubbed his nose (he had smashed it into the door when he had tried to walk in) and stretched out his magic to see if Harry had cast a spell to lock the door. Confusion settled in him when he didn't feel any kind of spell or ward.

"I guess I'm just going to have to do this the physical way," James mumbled before backing up a few steps and ramming his shoulder into the door.

The door flew open, sending the chair that was blocking it flying across the room and James crashing to the floor. He sat up with a groan before looking around in confusion. Harry wasn't in the room. It was completely empty, although the tub had overflowed, leaving large puddles of water on the floor.

James narrowed his eyes. In the middle of one of the large puddles was a pale purple potion bottle. There was also a potion bottle on the little table beside the bathtub. Both were empty. Fear began to settle in his stomach, and James quickly scrambled over to the tub. What he saw would forever be etched into his brain.

Harry was at the very bottom of the tub. He looked almost serene as if he was asleep. The wild, fly-away hair he had inherited from his father gently swirled around his face. There were no bubbles of air floating to the top.

If felt as if James' heart had stopped in his chest. His blood became ice, and terror filled him. The years of Auror training flew out the window and all the father could think was, _"No, no, no! This can't be happening! Not my son! Not Harry!"_

He blinked trying to get over the shock before quickly shoving his wands into the water and dragging his son's body out of the tub. James carefully laid Harry on the floor and checked to see if he was breathing. His head lolled to the side, but other than that, there was no motion from the boy. He was like a rag doll.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Harry?!" a voice shouted from behind him. James turned sharply to face the door. Julian and Ivy were staring at their older brother with wide, fearful eyes. They must have come upstairs when they heard the noise of him breaking down the door.

"Not now. I have to take care of Harry," James said sharply as he turned back to Harry.

"But what's wro-"

"I said not now!" James snapped, the stress beginning to get to him. Ivy burst into tears and Julian immediately hugged her close, their eyes never leaving their older brother. "Julian, take your sister and go downstairs. Wait for your Mum."

"But-"

"Now!"

Julian nodded hesitantly before he tried to drag his little sister away from the doorway. Ivy yanked away from him before running back to the bathroom. "Whatever's wrong with him is your fault!" she shouted at James, "If you and Mummy had never been mean to him this wouldn't have happened!"

Ivy shoved past her older brother and ran down to the family room, her loud sobs echoing through the house. Julian trailed behind her, but not before sending one last terrified glance at his brother.

James quickly focused on Harry again. He didn't have time to think about what his daughter had said, not when his son's life was on the line. Harry laid completely still on the floor, his chest not moving. He wasn't breathing.

James quickly pointed his wand at Harry's throat and cast the spell that was supposed to clear his airway, but nothing happened. His terror spiked. There wasn't any type of spell to force a person to start breathing again. The wizarding world didn't think it was necessary.

James began to wrack his brain for anything that might help. He couldn't think of any potion or spell-. He froze. Lily had said something about some kind of muggle procedure, SeaPea something? He couldn't remember, and Lily wasn't here to do it. She had left for Diagon Alley thirty minutes ago and wasn't expected back for another hour.

He forced himself to calm down. He needed to remember. This may be the only way he could save his son.

 _"Okay, okay, Lils said something about the chest, but what was it?"_ James thought to himself, _" Lay him on his chest? No that's not right. Wait...Pressure! I'm supposed to put pressure on his chest. And something else… Clear the airway? But I've already done that. Damn it, what was it? Something to do with the head… Tilt it back maybe? But why?"_ James shook his head, _"Doesn't matter. If it helps, I'm doin' it."_

James knelt beside his son and carefully tilted his head back before putting his hands on Harry's chest. He sent up a silent prayer to whatever god was listening to him and started to press on his son's chest repeatedly. He tried to do the compressions fast and hard like his wife had described to him years ago, but he didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know if he was pressing too hard or soft, or if he was going to slow.

After about a minute of compressions, James was close to giving up. Shouldn't he have started breathing by now? Tears began to blur his sight, but he kept doing compressions. He couldn't let his son die. He had to do something. He couldn't have his son's blood on his hands.

James choked on a sob two minutes into the compressions. It wasn't working. Tears slowly made their way down his cheeks. His son was dead. His Harry was _dead_ all because he didn't know what to do. He had failed as a father. If Lily had been here, she would have been able to save Harry. Instead Harry had been forced to rely on his incompetent father to save him. His son was dead because of _him_.

Suddenly, Harry convulsed under him. James' eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly turned his son over onto his side. He gently rubbed Harry's back as he coughed up what seemed like a gallon of water. "You're all right," James said through a shuddering breath, "Daddy's got you."

James paused a moment to see if Harry would complain about his wording. After the age of three, Harry had decided he was too old to say 'daddy' and got mad whenever James brought it up. A frown flickered over his face, when Harry said nothing, much less the snappy retort he was used to. Shouldn't Harry be awake now?

James carefully settled him back on his back, trying to make it easier for him to breathe. With a loud groan, James leaned back against the tub. Now that Harry was breathing again, everything was hitting him at once. He had been so close to losing his son, the son he had fought so hard to protect. His mind was a swirl of emotions, but all he could focus on was the steady movement of Harry's chest going up and down. That's all he could allow himself to focus on, because if he didn't, he would break down and wouldn't be any help to Harry at all.

"Oh, Harry, you're going to be the death of me," James mumbled as he roughly scrubbed his hand across his face, wiping away the tears. He let his hand fall to the ground as he began to push himself up, but paused when his fingers brushed something glass in the puddle by the tub. With a frown, James sat back down and picked up the pale purple bottle he had forgotten about in all the commotion.

His Auror training kicked in, and he began to carefully inspect the bottle. It was a strange potion, one he didn't recognize. He sniffed it and immediately wrenched his head back. The potion had a sickeningly sweet smell that had his animagus shying away from it in terror. Whatever was in it had to be dangerous to get that much of a reaction from the stag. A tiny bit of the shimmery purple-silver potion was still at the bottom of the bottle. He would have to get it tested later.

James grabbed the other bottle from the table. This one he recognized. He would know that smell anywhere. He had drank it enough times in the past to be able to immediately recognize it. The only question was why would Harry need a pain relief potion?

Theories began to form in his head. The pain relief potion had been set down on the table, but the mystery potion had ended up on the floor, far away from the table. So Harry must have drank the pain reliever first before the mystery potion. The pain reliever wouldn't have affected him so much that he dropped the other bottle. But what was in the mystery bottle?

James was afraid to find out. Everything in him was telling him that this potion was bad. He had his suspicions about what exactly it was but he hoped he was wrong. All the evidence was pointing to it though. The bottle dropped on the floor. His animagus terrified of the potion. His son dead in the bathtub. Harry had tried to commit suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you all think? A lot of stuff happened in this chapter. Harry drank a potentially dangerous potion, and James is convinced his son tried to commit suicide (he should really stop jumping to conclusions). Find out what happens in the next few chapters! Don't be afraid to leave a comment!


	5. Dreams of Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Lily worry while Harry dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! I'm back again! And so soon too! It's even a surprise to me. I hope you guys like this chapter. It took me four days to get the ending right. It was beginning to piss me off. Anyway, there's a lot of random info in it, kinda scattered around in this chapter even the smallest thing can be important later. I would also like to add I don't own anything! If I did, I would be a millionaire who didn't have to worry about college tuition. And I don't own the song later on in the chapter although it's one of my favorite songs. When you get to that part I suggest you listen to the song "How 'bout a Dance' from the Bonnie and Clyde musical on repeat until that part's over.

Harry laid on his bed wrapped in a cocoon of blankets seemingly fast asleep. His face was peaceful, but every now and then something would happen, and he would twitch or moan.

James and Lily stood together in the doorway watching him sleep. Every time Harry moaned, James would flinch. Lily sighed and pulled him into a hug.

“This isn’t your fault, sweetheart.”

He winced and hugged her tighter to his chest. “It’s just every time I see him and he looks like he’s in pain, all I can think of is if I had been a little bit faster, a little more considerate to what he was going through, this never would have happened.”

“You can’t think like that, James. You’ll only torture yourself if you do.”

Suddenly, Harry went through a bad patch. He began to writhe in his bed, whimpering quietly. Some of the whimpers turned into half-formed words and pleas. James buried his face into his wife’s fiery red hair, trying to get the image out of his head.

“I just wish there was something we could do,” James whispered.

“Me too,” Lily said with a small smile, “But nobody knows what he drank and how to reverse it. I have Severus working on it, but even he doesn’t know what the potion was, although he claims it is one of the most fascinating potions he has ever come across.”

James snorted. “Did we have to involve Snape? He’s more focused on finding out the properties of the potion than saving our son’s life.”

“He is the best of the best when it comes to potions. If anyone can help Harry, it’ll be him,” Lily looked up at her husband. “And I trust him. Shouldn’t that be enough?”

James huffed before pouting. “He’s still a sleazeball.”

Lily chuckled quietly. “You’ll never get over your rivalry, will you?”

“Nope!” James popped the p with a small, goofy grin.

“Well, you’re going to have to get over yourself for the time being! Severus is the only one who will be able to come up with a cure to whatever Harry’s going through. Until then, we’ll just have to wait and hope for the best.”

* * *

Harry tossed and turned in his bed unaware of everything going on around him. Instead, he was trapped in his own mind, reliving every dream and nightmare he ever had.

_“Harry James Potter! What on Earth do you think you’re doing!?”_

_Harry jumped before turning around to face Mrs. Weasley sheepishly. He had been so close to sneaking out! He just needed to get out of this godforsaken house. It didn’t matter that his friends and the few people he could consider family were all under the same roof. In fact, it made it worse. He could see the way they looked at him, half afraid of him and half full of pity for him. He couldn’t stand it anymore. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to get a glass of water,” he stuttered out._

_Mrs. Weasley cocked an eyebrow at him. “So you went to bed  fully dressed?_

_He winced before he thought of something. Harry fought back a smirk and instead put on his best kicked puppy look. “Yes, ma’am,” Harry mumbled as he ducked his head, “I-I don’t really have pajamas. The Dursleys didn’t really like spending money on me…”_

_Mrs. Weasley practically melted in front of him. Harry barely held back a smile of satisfaction and instead focused his energy on looking as downcast as possible. “Oh, you poor, poor dear! I should have known those evil wretches would be as cruel as to deny you basic necessities! Come on, honey, I’ll make you a cup of tea. That’ll help you fall asleep. And you can borrow some of Ronnie’s pajamas instead of sleeping in your clothes.”_

_Harry winced. Maybe his idea had worked a little_ too _well. “I’m fine, Mrs. Weasley, honestly. I think I’m just going to grab a glass of water and head to bed.”_

_“Are you sure? I could make you a cup of tea and-”_

_“I don’t want to be a burden. And, anyway, I’m already feeling tired,” Harry faked a yawn. “See? I doubt I’d stay awake long enough to brew a cuppa.”_

_Mrs. Weasley gave him a small, sad smile. “You could never be a burden, dear,” she said as she gently turned his head so he was looking her in the eyes, “But if you insist, I guess I could leave you to your measly glass of water. Go to bed soon, honey. Okay?”_

_Harry smiled softly. “Okay, Mrs. Weasley.”_

_“Oh, hosh posh! Enough with the ‘Mrs. Weasley’! Call me Mum, dear, or at least Molly. Even though you’re not blood, I consider you one of my own children. Now goodnight, dear, and don’t let the bedbugs bite! There probably are some in this horrible house,” Molly grumbled as she walked up the stairs back to her room._

_Harry watched her leave. “Goodnight...Molly.”_

_As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t call the woman Mum. He loved Mrs. Weasley like a mother, but he couldn’t use her to replace Lily. His mother had done everything she could for him; she even died for him. He felt like he would be betraying her if he called another woman Mum even if she was the closest thing he had to a mother nowadays. He couldn’t do that to Lily. He couldn’t dishonour her in that way._

_Harry sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair. Merlin, that got depressing really quick. He needed to get his mind off of everything that was happening. He needed to get out, and he knew just where to go._

_Harry turned and walked out the door._

* * *

_“Cinderella, dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss a fella! Made a mistake, kissed a snake! How many doctors did it take? One, two, three....”_

_Harry sat quietly on his swing watching a group of girls (and a few boys they had managed to convince to join them) jump rope. They were younger than him. A measly six compared to his eight years of age. He debated going over and joining him before shaking his head. They would never let him join, not after all the rumors the Dursleys had spread about him. Instead, he began to swing higher and higher on the swing until he could see over the bar supporting it. Swinging alone wasn’t as fun as he had hoped it would be, so he went back on eavesdropping on the group of children._

_“Cherry chopsticks make me sick! Make my heart go 246! Not because I’m dirty! Not because I’m clean! Not because I kissed a boy behind a magazine! Hey girl! Wanna have some fun? I saw a boy with his pants undone! He can wibble. He can wobble. He can do the splits, but I betcha five dollars he can’t do this! Bow to the king! Kiss the queen! Show his butt to the cheerleading team!”_

_Harry couldn’t help but laugh at that jump rope song. That had to be the oddest one he had ever heard! Honestly, seeing somebody’s pants unzipped was fun? And so was showing your butt to a group of judgmental, teenage girls? These kids were crazy! Plus he didn’t think the Queen would appreciate someone kissing her if they were willing to show their butts to a group of girls._

_Something moved in the corner of his eyesight. Nervously, he turned to look, even though he already knew who it was. Walking towards the playground was Dudley and his group of bullies. Harry was still swinging high on the swing. He wouldn’t be able to stop in time to get away from the group before they got here. There was only one thing he could do._

_On the outward swing, when it was at its highest, Harry jumped from the swing. A happy laugh left his lips as he went flying through the air. He would have to remember to do this again. This was so much fun! The wind was blowing through his hair, and he felt a certain rush of...something. He wanted the feeling to last._

_With that single thought, everything slowed down. Instead of freefalling he was floating. He drifted gently to the ground and landed lightly on his feet. Harry giggled quietly._

_“Hey, freak!”_

_Harry’s eyes widened, and he took off running for the large jungle gym at the edge of the park. During his mysterious floating session, he had forgotten about Dudley. He ran around the group of children jumping rope, trying to get to the only safe place in the playground. If he could climb on top of the monkey bars, he would be safe. Dudley and his gang were too lazy to climb it._

_He sighed with relief when he reached the monkey bars. He was safe. He began to climb the bars when something yanked him off the bars. The breath was knocked out of him when he landed harshly on his back. Dudley and his ganged towered over him, surrounded by swirling stars and odd black spots. Harry narrowed his eyes and shook his head before abruptly stopping when he immediately felt sick. He must have hit his head harder than he thought._

_Dudley’s face was an ugly purple color that reminded Harry of Uncle Vernon when he got really mad. “I saw what you did, freak! Mum and Dad are going to be so mad at you!”_

_“Yeah, well, anything’s better than them loving me. I mean, they love you and look what happened to you.”_

_Dudley’s face changed colors rapidly. “Why you little freak! Get him!”_

_Harry tried to crawl away, but Dudley’s gang pounced on him. All he could hear between the punches and kicks was the group of kids still jumping rope._

_“Doctor, Doctor, can you tell, what will make poor Harry well? He is sick and going to die, that will make poor Ginny cry. Ginny, Ginny, don’t you cry! He’ll get better by and by…”_

* * *

_Harry bolted through the many corridors of Hogwarts, going through all the secret passages he knew. Death Eaters had infiltrated the castle. He had known something bad was going to happen. Nothing had happened all year. It was just his luck that all the bad things that were usually spread throughout the year were saved up for one hellish night._

_He didn’t know what had happened to all his friends. After...Dumbledore… Harry shook his head. He couldn’t afford to get distracted. After he had got back from his little misadventure with the Headmaster, he had tried to go back to Gryffindor Tower to warn Ron and Hermione, but the only way to the tower had been blocked by Death Eaters. He had tried to sneak past them and he had almost made it, but just as he was going to pass them, Lestrange clipped him. He had been running ever since. After all, he couldn’t take on three insane Death Eaters._

_Harry turned a corner sharply and ducked behind a statue. He couldn’t keep running forever. He was exhausted. After the whole search for the locket, he had been tired, but, now, three hours later and on the run from Death Eaters, he was dead on his feet. He put his hand over his mouth and nose, trying to block the sound of his heavy breathing. He couldn’t afford to but up a silencing charm; the Death Eaters would sense the magic._

_Moments later, the three Death Eaters that were chasing him rounded the corner. They paused when they didn’t see Harry running down the hallway like they had expected._

_“Where’d he go?” Lestrange hissed._

_“We know as much as you do, Lestrange!” Dolohov growled._

_“Well, find him! The Dark Lord wants him, and if we don’t find him then it’ll be_ our _blood he spills!”_

_The Death Eaters ran down the hallway and quickly split up, each going a different way. Harry waited a few minutes to make sure they weren’t coming back before sneaking out from behind the statue and going back the way he came. He tiptoed around the corner before almost jumping out of his skin. His mouth opened to shout in surprise, but a hand clamped over his mouth tightly. That was going to leave a bruise._

_Luna calmly shook her head no and put a finger up to her lips as the universal sign of silence. Once she was sure he had calmed down, she took her hand away._

_“I never took you to be jumpy, Harry,” Luna said with a small smirk._

_Harry rolled his eyes before quickly grabbing her arm and dragging her through the halls. “You’d be jumpy too if you had the night like I’ve had,” He grumbled._

_Luna hummed quietly. “I suppose. But then again, I think we all will be having nights like these from now on. Don’t you?”_

_“Not if I can help it,” Harry said determinedly._

_“Your hero is showing, Harry,” Luna said dreamily, “But not even you can save us from what’s on the horizon.”_

_He scoffed. “Thanks for your support, Lu. I knew I could count on you.”_

_“I’ll always stand by you. No matter what happens. I promise.”_

_Harry smiled down at her gently. “Thanks, Lu. I appreciate it.”_

_Luna shrugged. “What are friends for?”_

_Harry chuckled as he took a sharp left and drug her into a secret passageway._

_“Oh! I didn’t know this was here,” Luna looked around the stone passage curiously._

_“Found it earlier this year,” he muttered distractedly, “Have you seen any of the others? I tried to find Ron and Hermione, but the Death Eaters caught me. Have you seen anyone from the DA?”_

_Luna nodded. “I saw Neville. He was helping Hannah with a group of Death Eaters, but I haven’t seen the others. Sorry.”_

_“It’s okay. I just hoped…” Harry shook his head. “Anyway. Where do you think the safest place to head is? We’re in no state to fight Death Eaters.”_

_“You might not be, but I am,” Luna said cheekily._

_“I am_ not _going to let you fight for the both of us!”_

_“How’d I know you were going to say that?”_

_“Same way you always do. And we need a place to hide out until the Aurors arrive.”_

_Luna stopped running and pulled him back. “Don’t you know?”_

_“Know what?” Harry asked impatiently._

_“Harry, the Aurors aren’t coming. We’re on our own.”_

_Harry froze. “What do you mean ‘_ they’re not coming’ _?” Harry growled._

_“When the Death Eaters first arrived, they put up a ward. Nobody can get in or out.”_

_Harry’s eyes widened. “That explains why this whole mess hasn’t been taken care of already,” he said in shock, “Merlin, they’re gonna kill us one by one. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. There’s no escape.”_

_“Don’t bring poor, innocent fish into this, Harry! They’ve done nothing to hurt you!”_

_“It’s just a saying,” Harry said distractedly before focusing back on Luna, “So you’re saying we’re on our own?”_

_Luna looked up at him in concern. “I think you need to get your ears checked. You’re not hearing properly.”_

_Harry ignored her comment. “What about the younger years? Do you know if they’re okay? Did they escape?”_

_Luna shook her head, her face disturbingly somber. “The attack happened before the professors could do anything. Now, everybody is looking out for themselves even the little ones.”_

_“We have to save them,” he said quietly as he began to run through the secret passage._

_“Wait!” Luna ran after him and yanked him back. “You just said we were in no position to fight the Death Eaters!”_

_“That was when I thought we had backup coming!”_

_“We’re still in no position to fight the Death Eaters. You’re close to magical exhaustion; I can feel it.”_

_Harry snarled. “I’m not going to let innocent children die when I can do something about it!”_

_Luna smiled softly. “I know. I’m just saying we need to be smart about this.”_

_“Okay. As long as we help the others then okay.”_

_The two took off running down the passageway, the silence heavy between the two friends. Eventually, they made it to the portrait hole. Harry carefully opened the door and peeked out. “The cost is clear,” he whispered quietly._

_They slipped out of the passageway and began to make their way towards the Hufflepuff dorms. The castle was eerily quiet, their footsteps echoing through the halls. Every now and then a scream full of pain and fear could be heard._ _  
_ _Suddenly the screams got louder until it seemed like whoever was screaming was right around the next corner. Harry and Luna froze. They knew that scream. That was Hermione._

* * *

_Harry silently stared up at the stars from the Astronomy Tower. It was extremely late, almost three in the morning on a school night, but he didn't care. He didn't care much about anything these days._

_He was so_ tired _these days. And it wasn't something he could cure with a little sleep. No, this, this was a bones deep exhaustion that wouldn't leave him. It made it hard for him to get up in the morning. It made it hard for him to actually put forth any kind of effort into his school work. It made it hard for him to care about the war._  


_And why should he care about it anyway? This wasn't his fight. It had never been his fight. He was just a fucking kid for God's sake, or, at least, they treated him like a kid. The Order tried to play it both ways. Either they thought of him as a kid and he shouldn’t go sticking his nose into Order business or they thought he had the responsibility of the whole fucking Wizarding World resting on his shoulders! They forced him into this war like it was his goddamn responsibility. Hell, his first kill in the war against Voldemort was when he was eleven. Back when he was still innocent._   


_Harry huffed. He had had blood on his hands since he was eleven. Damian would be proud of him. Wasn't that a disturbing thought?_ _  
_

_Harry took a swig of the Firewhiskey he had swiped from The Hogshead. When he had first started drinking it, it had been ice cold and completely full. Now it was lukewarm and almost empty._

_A cool breeze blew through his hair, and Harry couldn't help but smile. It reminded him of flying since he was up so high. A smirk spread across his lips when a thought came to him. Harry grabbed onto the support beam and carefully pulled himself onto the railing. It was flat and just a bit smaller than the width of his foot. He looked out on the grounds and grinned. Now, this was interesting._

_Harry laughed into the open air around him. This got his blood pumping in a way that he hadn't felt in a long time. He wasn't feeling so tired anymore._

_“Never took you to be suicidal, Potter.”_

_Harry turned sharply on his heels, ignoring the fact that most of his feet were now hanging off the railing. “Never thought you would care, Malfoy.”_

_Draco Malfoy was leaning casually against the wall of the tower. He seemed different, though. Not the cocky, snobbish pureblood that Harry was used to seeing. Instead, he seemed as tired as Harry felt. Dark circles were under his eyes and his face was pale and drawn. Malfoy shrugged. “I don't care if you live or die. I just don't want to deal with the drama tomorrow when they find your body splattered on the ground.”_

_“For your information,” Harry paused to take a drink. “I am not suicidal. I'm just up here because I like the view.”_

_Malfoy muttered something under his breath but all Harry could catch were the words ‘idiotic’ and ‘Gryffindor’. Harry ignored him and turned back to face the grounds before pouting. Malfoy had spoiled the effect being on the railing had had on him. Adrenaline wasn’t pumping through him like it was his blood anymore. He sullenly took another drink of his Firewhiskey and leaned against the support beam._

_Harry froze when he heard quiet footsteps getting closer to him. Malfoy appeared beside him. Harry waited for the boy to say something, but instead he simply stood looking up at the night sky, ignoring Harry completely.  He waited a few minutes before breaking the silence. “So, why are you up here? It’s late.”_

_“Thought it would be nice and quiet. Guess I was wrong.”_

_Harry pouted and went back to his bottle. Glancing sneakily (Actually he was gawking at the boy. Alcohol did not help his subtlety.) at Malfoy, he tried to figure out what the heir was up to. Everything he knew about Malfoy told Harry that there was no way that Malfoy was willing to have a civil conversation with him. Especially after Harry sent his dad to jail by testifying against him. Not that it mattered really. Voldemort broke all the Death Eaters in Azkaban out a few months ago._

_But something inside Harry was telling him that Malfoy didn’t have a hidden agenda for this meeting. There was no way he knew Harry would be here. Plus he looked like he was hurting as much as Harry was. Malfoy had that same deep exhaustion that he had, although he was currently hiding it better than Harry was but that was only due to the alcohol. Come tomorrow morning Harry would be the unstoppable Golden Boy once more._

_“Want a drink?” Harry asked quietly as he held out the bottle to Malfoy. It looked like he needed it as much as Harry did._

_Malfoy tried to muster up a sneer but all he did was grimace faintly. “Drink after you? Who knows what kind of germs are in that thing now.”_

_Harry shrugged before motioning to the bag that laid in a heap on the floor. “There’s another bottle in my bag. It’s full, haven’t opened it yet.”_

_He waited a moment, but Malfoy didn’t move. Harry rolled his eyes and decided to ignore him for the time being. After a few minutes of silence, Malfoy growled and snatched the bottle from Harry’s hand. He cocked an eyebrow at the Slytherin as he gulped down the last of the amber liquid. Malfoy ignored the look, and simply said “You may need to open up the other bottle.”_

_Harry chuckled quietly. “You know where the bottle’s at.”_

_Malfoy grumbled as stalked back to Harry’s bag and fished out the new bottle of Firewhiskey. “I’m not your goddamn maid, you know.”_

_“No, of course not,” Harry said sarcastically, “After all, you are the heir to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy. How could you ever do something physical such as grabbing a bottle?”_

_Malfoy rolled his eyes. “No need to be an arse, Potter.”_

_“I’m drunk. What’s your excuse?”_

_Malfoy glanced at him, a flicker of...something in his eyes. Harry couldn’t tell what. “If you’re really that drunk, you probably shouldn’t be standing on the railing like that.”_

_Harry turned on the railing  to face the Slytherin and gasped dramatically. “Why, Malfoy! I almost think you care!” He grinned suddenly and let his right foot dangle over the edge, balancing only on one foot. “Look what I can do!”_

_Malfoy’s face paled. “Potter, don’t do that. You might fall.”_

_“Now, I’m actually beginning to think you care,” Harry said quietly, “Shouldn’t you be threatening to push me off? I mean, your Lord_ does _want me dead.”_

_Malfoy opened his mouth, a denial on his lips, but Harry shook his head. “Don’t try to deny it. I saw you getting marked at the beginning of the year.”_

_The Slytherin glared at him before looking out over the grounds, a sullen look on his face. Harry rolled his eyes. If Malfoy was going to ignore him and drink his Firewhiskey, Harry was going to annoy him at the very least. Harry began to hum quietly to himself as he jumped from foot to foot on the railing, waving his arms dramatically like they were helping him keep his balance. Malfoy began to develop a twitch in his left eye. Harry had to focus on not smirking. He knew if he did, Malfoy would never break._

_Harry continued with his little stunt but after a few minutes of Malfoy holding himself together, he decided to up the notches. The humming slowly escalated to very loud and very off-key singing._

_“AND I-I-I-IIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!”_

_Malfoy clapped his hands over his ears. “Dear Merlin, Potter, stop! Dogs are howling because of you!”_ _  
_ _Harry laughed and simply turned and howled at the moon with the rest of the supposed howling dogs._

_“Really, Potter, I think you should come down. You’re not yourself. You’re not thinking straight,” Malfoy said, holding out a hand to help Harry down._

_Harry shook his head wildly. “Nope! I will not come down until you tell me why you of all people are concerned about me. And this could be the real me! The me you usually see could be the fake me and this me is the real me. Understand?”_

_“Not in the slightest,” Malfoy mumbled, dropping his hand._

_Harry sighed. He wasn’t going at this the right way All he was doing was annoying Malfoy. “Look,” Harry began at a more subdued tone, “I know I’m acting like an arse, but you’re not exactly acting like yourself either. Wanna tell me why you’re up here?”_

_Malfoy’s face was completely blank. The only thing telling of his true emotions was how tightly his hands were clenching the railing. Harry waited patiently for him to say something._

_“I’m tired,” the Slytherin eventually whispered._

_Harry hummed quietly and sat down on the railing. “You’re not the only one.”_

_Malfoy snorted. “Yeah, like you could know what I’m going through.”_

_Harry shrugged. “You’re right. I don’t. But I am going through as much shite as you are, you have to admit. Even if it is different,” he paused and cocked his head, “Well, it’s not that different. I have a feeling that we’re both up here because of the same reason.”_

_“I suppose so.” Malfoy glanced at where Harry was sitting. “You really should get off the railing. Bad things happen to people who tempt fate.”_

_“Then why am I not dead yet? I tempt fate on a daily basis.”_

_“Because you’ve been lucky. But one of these days your luck is gonna run out.”_

_Harry chuckled. “Nothing’s truer than that! That’s probably how I’ll end up dying, but until then,” He snagged the bottle from Malfoy and took a drink. “I’m going to have a little fun.”_

_Malfoy rolled his eyes. “You’re going to be the death of us all.”_

_“You’re acting like I’ll live long enough to actually do any damage.”_

_"And you're acting like you won't."_

_Harry huffed and turned sideways on the railing to face him. "We both know I'll be lucky if I make it to twenty."_

_Malfoy chuckled darkly. “Yeah, well, you’re not the only one.”_

_Harry cocked an eyebrow at him. “You’re on the more than likely winning side. Why would you have to worry about dying before you’re twenty? Even if Voldemort loses, you have enough money and friends in high places to escape persecution.”_

_Malfoy grabbed the bottle back from Harry and took a swig before setting it on the railing. “There are some fates worse than death. I don’t want to find out what mine will be when the Dark Lord wins.”_

_Harry watched as Draco Malfoy walked away, leaving him to ponder everything the Slytherin had said._

* * *

_Harry silently walked through Diagon Alley, trying to stay in the shadows as much as possible. He was already wrapped up in his invisibility cloak and had taken polyjuice potion to disguise himself, but he wasn’t willing to take any chances._

_The alley was deserted. Stores were boarded up and in various degrees of collapsing. Posters of Undesirables were plastered everywhere, some tearing loose and floating down the street like modern day tumbleweeds._

_The most depressing thing in the alley had to be Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Fred and George’s prank stop had long since been boarded up, closed due to the many deaths in the family. George hadn’t had the heart to open the store after his twin died, and his mother needed his help at home with the burials anyway. The store’s colorful pain had dulled and started to chip away. The prank shop was a ghost of what it had once been._

_Harry ignored the store. He couldn’t afford to reminisce about better times. All it would do was cause pain and distract him from the task at hand. Instead, Harry walked deeper into the alley, ignoring how the stores steadily became more run down until he found it. Knockturn Alley._

_Harry took a deep breath and pulled off the cloak. He had business to conduct in the alley, and he couldn’t do it underneath the cloak. It helped that he looked nothing like himself. He had managed to steal the hair of some Ministry worker who had looked the exact opposite of him. The man had been tall, with wide shoulders and a narrow waist. The man’s neat blonde hair looked nothing like Harry’s bird nest of hair, and the man’s silvery-blue eyes couldn’t compare to his emerald green ones._

_Sticking to the shadows, the disguised Gryffindor slipped deep into the alley, going to where the darkest stores were. He couldn’t help but notice that the alley was busier than he had ever seen it. Wizards and witches ducked in and out of the stores as if they were doing their weekly grocery shopping instead of buying dark and deadly objects._

_Finally, Harry found the store he was looking for. He narrowed his eyes at the closed sign on the door. This might work out better than he expected. Trying the door only proved that it was locked. Harry ignored it, though. With a whispered word and a flick of his wand, he was in._

_The store was a mess. Various books and items were stacked from floor to ceiling only separated by tiny paths. Harry silently walked through the store to the back where all the most dangerous and expensive artifacts were kept. He needed to hurry, though. He didn’t know what kind of alarms the owner had set on the store, so he needed to get out as quick as possible_

_Harry couldn’t help but smirk when he reached the checkout counter. His informant claimed the owner had hidden the sacred object somewhere behind it. Jumping behind the counter, he began to search for the item that could change everything. Harry growled when he couldn’t find it. He had searched through everything behind the desk; it wasn’t_ here _. Harry shook his head. No, it was here. His informant wouldn’t dare lie to him, not when he knew what Harry would do to him if he did. It was here; he just wasn’t looking in the right place._

_Deciding he would search the entire store if he had to, Harry stood. The floorboard underneath him creaked loudly, causing him to pause._ “No,” _he thought to himself,_ “Surely, he didn’t resort to muggle methods.”

_He bent down and touched the creaky floorboard. It was loose. Carefully, he pried it up before a victorious smirk spread across his face. He had found it. Harry had found the Blood Blade._

* * *

_“How ‘bout a dance? What do you say? I’ve got some moves that I’d love to show ya....”_

_Harry carefully maneuvered through the crowd, listening to the soft music drift over the dancefloor. A smile flickered across his face when he caught sight of Bill and Fleur dancing. The two were so utterly in love, and it showed. It showed in the way they knew where the other was going to step before they even moved. It showed in the way the stubborn, self-confident Fleur willingly curled into Bill and how Bill, who didn’t have a violent bone in his body, held her in his arms as if he was willing to kill a thousand Death Eaters in order to protect her._

_“…Let’s find a spot and dance the night away…”_

_Harry’s eyes drifted away from the loving couple and settled on Ginny. She was standing at the edge of the dance floor, swaying slightly to the music. She seemed to be deep in thought, her eyes vacant and a small smile playing on her lips. He followed her line of sight before chuckling softly. She was staring at the married couple as well. He couldn’t blame her. It’s not every day your eldest brother gets married._

_“…How ‘bout a dance? It’s always fine. Come over here. Let me get to know ya…”_

_Harry made his way over to her and tapped her on her shoulder. Ginny jumped and teetered dangerously on her heels before he reached out to steady her. She turned and punched him hard on the shoulder. “You startled me, you idiot! Don’t you know that’s a dangerous thing to do nowadays?”_

_“I couldn’t help it. It was far too tempting an opportunity to pass up,” Harry said with an easy grin._

_Ginny rolled her eyes. “It’s times like this that I ask myself why I’m dating you.”_

_“Because you love me. That’s why. And be careful saying stuff like ‘dating me’. We’re supposed to be cousins here. Remember?”_

_She gasped dramatically. “You’re not into the incestuous relationships all purebloods seem set on having? You’ve been lying to me, Rupert Weasley! How shall we ever tell Mum and Dad? They were planning our wedding, you know.”_

_The two descended into giggles. Every time they started to calm down, they would look at each other and start giggling again. The couple received many strange looks and small smiles from the people around them. Very few people found something to laugh about during times like these even if they were at such a joyous occasion as a wedding. Eventually, the two calmed down._

_“…How ‘bout a dance…”_

_“So?”_

_Ginny looked up at him, startled by the question. “So, what?”_

_“How ‘bout a dance?” Harry asked as he held out a hand to her._

_Ginny smiled softly. “What happened to being cousins?”_

_“Cousins dance together all the time!”_

_“Yeah, but not to love songs.”_

_“One dance won’t kill us, Gin,” Harry said softly, “Please?”_

_Ginny laughed quietly and placed her hand in his. Harry’s smile could have lit up the room as he pulled her out onto the dance floor. Harry gently spun the girl around the floor, leading her through the few dance moves he knew._

_“…Tonight is the night I’ve been waiting for. Even the moon looks just right…”_

_“When’d you learn to dance?”_

_Harry grinned. “It was the only good thing that came out of the Triwizard Tournament.”_

_He pulled her close and the two began to sway with the beat of the music. Ginny laid her head on his chest, listening to the quiet thumps of his heartbeat._

_“Are you sure I can’t go with you?” She asked after a few moments silence._

_Harry pulled her closer to him, holding onto her tightly. “I’m sorry, Ginny, but you can’t come with me. I can’t let you get hurt because of me which will more than likely happen if you come. I’d kill myself before hurting you.”_

_“Like Hogwarts will be any safer,” she grumbled._

_“But there will be more people there to protect you,” Harry argued back, “People I trust with my life. You’ll have more of a chance living through this war there than with me.”_

_Ginny laughed quietly. “My only problem with you is the fact that you’re so concerned about my safety. Do you know how girls would kill to have a boyfriend like you?”_

_“I’m guessing in the millions, but I could be a few thousand off,” Harry said with an easy smile. A comfortable silence came over the two once more. They simply listened to the music and enjoyed each others company while they still had it._

_“I love you, Harry James Potter,” Ginny whispered as the song began to end, “Please survive this war for me. I’ll be waiting.”_

_“…You’ll lose the blues, and you may lose your heart…”_

* * *

_Hogwarts was in ruins. The ground was stained red from the amount of blood spilt. Harry couldn’t take two steps without stepping in something...someone. There were piles and piles of bodies outside of Hogwarts, almost all of them mangled beyond recognition. He couldn’t tell who was friend or foe laying dead on the ground. It was going to take forever to identify all these people. Thankfully, Harry wasn’t going to be alive long enough to deal with it._

_He knew what the right thing to do was. It had been planned out for him by Dumbledore since the day Voldemort killed his parents. All he had to do was walk into the forest and let Voldemort kill him. He would be saving everyone he loved and destroying the last Horcrux, making Voldemort mortal again. It would be tragically, heroic. The poor orphan boy doing everything he could to save the people he considered family, only to discover it wasn’t enough, and his death was the only way to ensure their safety. It sounded like a fucking fairytale. But not even the good kind. It was more like the kind with the terrible ending but everybody told their children it because it had a had a ‘strong moral’._

_Walking into the forest was the right thing to do. He would die tragically and save the day. It would be the greatest tragedy of this century. He’d go down in history because of this ‘heroic deed’. He’d become a legend, a story, the hero all little kids look up to and expect to protect them from the monsters. His death would be tragic. It would be heroic. It was_ expected _of him._

_Harry could see it in their eyes. When Voldemort made the announcement, they’d all expected him to walk out of the castle and never come back. It was the easy way out, and they all knew it. That didn’t mean they weren’t willing to take it, though. Even his friends were looking at him with the same expectancy. He knew they didn’t_ want _him to die. They all loved him too much to want him to die. But they still looked at him expectantly. They were waiting for him to walk out there and do the heroic deed even though they didn’t want him to._

_There was only one problem. Harry didn’t want to die. He didn’t want to be the hero of this story. He didn’t want to do the right thing! He didn’t want to do what he was supposed to do! Harry had done everything he was supposed to. He had been the good, little Golden Boy, always following orders, but no more! This was_ his _life! They couldn’t just expect him to give it up! He had worked so_ hard _to live. He had been willing to do anything,_ anything, _to stop this war, but this was too much. He had been raised for the slaughter, but nobody realized how much he wanted to live._

_It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to die. He was only seventeen. Hell, Harry had actually begun to hope that he might make it out of this war. Now, to find out that the only way the light will win is if he dies? That was just cruel._

_Harry sighed and let out a dark laugh. No matter how much he claimed he wasn’t going to let himself be killed, he knew he was going to. Hermione always did say he had a saving people thing. He’d do it to save his friends even though the hated the thought of conforming to this last wish of Dumbledore’s. He would do the right thing. That was just who he was. It didn’t matter how much he didn’t want to die; he would do it to save his friends._

_Harry slowly walked into the forest, away from his friends and the only home he had ever known. He had an execution to attend._

* * *

_Harry sat silently in front of the Veil of Death, ignoring the many corpses around him. If anyone were to see him they would scream at the grotesque figure their would-be hero had become. His clothes were nothing more than rags because of overuse and the many battles they had been forced to survive. He was also covered in dried blood and dirt from who knows which battle. He didn’t really remember._

_The veil fluttered towards him as if it was trying to beckon him in. He was tempted. Very tempted. But he couldn’t. Not yet at least. If he went in now he would simply die. It was still very tempting, though. It wasn’t like he had anything else to live for. Everyone was dead. Voldemort’s side had been too strong. They had all assumed that after the final battle it would all be over. They had been so wrong._

_Even though Voldemort had died, the war still went on. Death Eaters had taken over the Ministry of Magic. Almost the entire Wizengamot was Death Eaters. Even the Minister was a Death Eater. The Light side hadn’t stood a chance. Too many people had died during the Final Battle. The Light had lost over half its members during the battle. The other half was forced into hiding or thrown into Azkaban because of made up charges._

_What hit Harry hardest were the death of his friends. Ron had died protecting Hermione from a cutting curse aimed at her neck during the Final Battle only for her to die not even an hour later. Greyback found her halfway through the battle tortured her until she until she died. There hadn’t been much left of her to bury, but her face, or at least what was left of it, was etched in terror. Harry hadn’t even known that his two friends were dead until after the battle. He had gone looking for them to celebrate the fact that they had all survived. Luna had been forced to break the news about their deaths to him. He wasn’t ashamed to say he cried like a baby._

_Ginny had been the next blow. Her death had been the hardest. She was simply...gone. She had been there for the start of the battle, and people had seen her during it, but by the end of it, nobody could find her. Nobody had seen her get kidnapped. Nobody remembered her dying. She was simply gone. Harry had refused to believe that she was dead. It wasn’t until he checked the Burrow to see if she was there did he accept that fact. Ginny’s spoon on the family clock was hanging limp, not on any destination. The magic on it had disappeared with her death. Harry never found her body._

_Luna and Neville were the only friends who survived the Final Battle. They went on the run, never staying at any place longer than two days. Neville had been the first to die. There was an attack on a Muggle town they had stopped at. Death Eaters were killing as many muggles as they could by burning every building they came across. Neville had been trying to save two muggle children from their burning house when a wall fell on him. He didn't make it back out alive._

_After Neville died, Luna changed. All the friends she had treasured so much had died (besides Harry) because of Voldemort and his convoluted idea of pureblood supremacy. She started organizing attacks on known Death Eaters with the few people on the Light side who were still alive. The attacks were vicious and beyond brutal. Luna, the gentle, loving girl who resembled more of a fairy than a girl, turned into a bloodthirsty warrior. Harry had been tempted to go to her and help her plan out the attacks, but he was hunting the one thing that could fix everything. He couldn't leave the search no matter how much he wanted to help his old friend. After a few months, Luna was caught along with a few other Ministry deemed 'radicals'. The Death Eaters decided to make an example out of them. Luna had a public execution despite Harry’s attempts to save her. They cut off her head in the middle of Diagon Alley and then mounted it at the entrance._

_Harry twirled the Blood Blade around his fingers absentmindedly. None of that matter now. He could fix everything. He could_ save _them. They didn’t have to die._

_After Sirius had died, Harry did extensive research on the supposed ‘Veil of Death’. He had gone through every book in the Restricted Section in Hogwarts and the Potter and Black family libraries in hopes that there was a way to bring him back. The Black library was the only one to have anything on the veil, and it only had one book on the subject. Harry hoped it was accurate because if he wasn’t he’d be committing suicide._

_The book claimed that the veil hadn’t used to be a form of execution, the Ministry had only started doing that in the past few hundred years or so. Instead, the wizarding world saw it as a portal. A very dangerous, deadly portal, but a portal nonetheless. They had thought the veil was a gift from three goddesses: Hecate, the goddess of magic, Horae, the goddess of time, and Eleos, the goddess of mercy._

_They believed if you had a great enough need, you could enter the veil and fix past mistakes. But that was only if the goddesses let you. In order to actually enter the veil without dying, the person first had to perform a ritual. He would have to give a sacrifice in the form of blood to each of the three goddesses, but even that didn’t mean they would let him through without dying. The Veil of Death was a very fickle thing. There were reports that some people had done everything right but when they entered the veil they still died. The wizarding world took that to mean that the goddesses hadn’t deemed them worthy, that their intentions weren’t pure enough. Harry just hoped his were._

_A quiet murmur made its way into the room causing Harry to glance up at the ceiling. The Death Eaters were coming. He needed to start the ritual now before they got here._

_Harry quickly stood up and yanked off his shirt, ignoring the fact that by doing that he opened old wounds. The Blade seemed to hum with power as if it knew what was about to happen. He held out his left arm and began the ritual._

_“Dea Tempus, exaudi orationem meam,” (1) Harry whispered as he began to use the Blade to draw on his arm. Ignoring the pain, he carefully drew the Triskele, the symbol of time, on his left arm. Blood ran down his arm and formed a puddle at his feet. The large bloodstone in the handle of the Blade gleamed brightly._

_With a sigh, Harry pulled back the Blade and admired his handiwork. It wasn’t bad considering he had been working through the pain. The only thing that made it look awkward was the old scar Pettigrew gave him. It ran all the way down his forearm, going right down the center of the Triskele. The drawing itself wasn’t all that bad. The three swirls were even and weren’t crooked at all. In all, it wasn’t too shabby. He shook his head. There was no time to stop. He needed to get this finished as quickly as possible before any Death Eaters showed up. Harry switched the Blade to his left hand and held out his right._

_“Dea Misericordia, exaudi orationem meam,” (2) he continued as he drew the Akokonan, the symbol of mercy, on his right arm. It was an odd symbol. It reminded him of a sideways anchor.  Thankfully, he didn’t have any major scar running down this arm. The only scar he had on his arm was right above his elbow (Fawkes may have healed the life-threatening wound from the Basilisk, but it still left a scar, unfortunately.) so it didn’t interfere with the symbol. His left hand shook slightly from the pain and not being his dominant hand. As soon as he finished the drawing, Harry switched the Blade to his right hand again and flexed the hand he had just been using. Damn hand cramps hadn’t been this bad since his OWLS. Good thing he only had one more to go._

_“Dea Magicae, exaudi orationem meam,”  (3) Harry said as he began drawing the last symbol on his chest. He tried to hold back the gasps of pain as he ran the Blade over his chest. He had to be extra careful with this last symbol. Blood was running freely down both his arms, coating his hands with the slippery liquid and making it harder to maneuver the knife. When he was finished, a Pentacle was displayed proudly on his chest._

_The noises he had been hearing for the past few minutes were steadily growing louder. He had to hurry before the Death Eaters got here._

_Harry took a shuddering breath and stumbled forwards towards the veil and out of the puddle of his own blood. The world tilted, making it hard to walk straight. The blood loss was beginning to get to him. The veil fluttered rapidly, the murmurs of the dead growing louder._

_“Pristinos errores meos eripe me et libera me!” (4)_

_Harry stepped into the Veil of Death._

* * *

Harry woke up with a gasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, what did you think? Don't be afraid to tell me! I threw a lot of info at you in this chapter. You find out why Harry is having dreams and a bit more of the story of the other Harry's universe. And just so you know, I used jump rope songs from when I was a kid for that memory and realized we were really weird kids. The only one that I didn't remember was the Doctor one, and on that one, I changed the names for something more...fitting. And just so you know what the numbers were...  
> (1)-Goddess of time, hear my plea  
> (2)-Goddess of mercy, hear my plea  
> (3)-Goddess of magic, hear my plea  
> (4)-Save me from my mistakes and set me free  
> That's a VERY loose translation from google translate. And to explain the marks... I don't know if stand for those things. Google claimed they did, not me. They might, they might not.  
> Anyway, I bet you have a lot of questions even though I probably answered a few with this chapter. Maybe something along the lines of "Who's Damian?', 'What's a Blood Blade?', 'What does a Blood Blade do?', 'Who was Harry's informant and why was he so sure he hadn't been lied to?'. Find out in the next few chapters! Thanks for reading!


	6. Confusion All Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry wakes up, and he's pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everybody! I am on a roll! I've updated both my stories in a span of two days. That is amazing for me! Anyway, I'll let you get on to this chapter since I kinda left it at a cliffhanger. Tell me what you guys think and I hope you enjoy!

Harry sat up, gasping for breath. Oh god, his head hurt. It felt like his brain was pulsing in his skull. Where was he? He tried to remember what had happened, but everything was jumbled up. Everything was a mess.

Harry glanced around the room. Where was he? The messy, scarlet room seemed strangely familiar, but at the same time, he felt as if he had never been here before in his life. It made his head hurt worse. Harry shook his head. He needed to leave. The fact that he had two warring feelings about this place proved that where he was wasn’t safe. He needed to run.

Scrambling out of the bed as quietly as he could, Harry began looking for a means of escape. There was a door that probably led out into a hallway and a window. He didn’t know what was on the other side of the door, and he didn’t want to know. Whoever was screwing with his head was probably right outside. That only left the window.

Throwing on some random clothes he found on the floor, he made his way over to it. The window silently opened as if it was well used. There was a rose arch right below it, and nobody was in the backyard. It was the perfect escape. He was just about to climb out of the window before he froze. He needed something. Both sets of instincts were screaming at him that he was forgetting something. Harry scanned the room before settling on a long wooden stick on the nightstand beside the bed he had been on. 

“ _ My wand _ ,” a voice in his head whispered, but he shook his head. No, that wasn’t his wand. It didn’t  _ feel _ right. His magic wasn’t reaching out to it like it should. It didn’t matter, though. He needed a wand and this one would do. Snagging the wand and the wallet on the desk, Harry headed for the window.

He was halfway out the window when the door opened. A tall, redheaded woman glanced at the bed he was in before her eyes focused on him. Her emerald green eyes widened in shock. “Harry, you’re awake!” her eyes suddenly narrowed. “Why are you climbing out the window?”

He froze. Harry, that was his name. Both instincts agreed on that. The woman, on the other hand, was a different story. A part of him felt like he could trust her, that she wasn’t a threat. The other of him was screaming that she couldn’t be trusted, that she was a liar. His emotions were everywhere, a mixture of love and pure rage. In the end, the fear won out. He didn’t know whether or not he could trust her. And when in doubt, it was best to run.

Harry waved cheekily to the woman (“ _ my mum _ ,” the voice in his head whispered) and dropped out the window.

As he jumped from the arch to the ground, he heard the woman scream, “JAMES!!!” 

He needed to hurry. He didn’t know how many others there were. Harry ran towards the street, not knowing where else to go.

“HARRY!” a voice shouted behind him, but he ignored it. He just made it to the edge of the property when a translucent wall appeared in front of him. His momentum carried him forward before he could stop sending him straight into the wall.

A chilling scream erupted from Harry’s lips. It felt as if he was being electrocuted. Every nerve in his body was on fire.

Suddenly a hand ripped him away from the wall. “Harry, what the hell are you doing?! You know not to touch the ward!”

Harry tried to wrestle away from the arms trapping him. “Let me go! Let me go, or I swear to God you will regret it!!”

The arms tightened around him. “Did you just threaten me?” the man asked incredulously.

“You’re the one attacking me!”

Harry was forcefully turned around to face a man who looked just like him. His eyes widened. The man, James, probably, was staring at him in confusion. “Harry, what are you talking about? I’m not attacking you. I’m trying to protect you!”

“Why the hell would you protect me? I don’t even know you!”

James froze. “You don’t recognize me?”

Harry paused before shrugging warily. “I don't know. Everything's a jumble.” His eyes narrowed and he began to finger his wand. “But I know I don't trust you. That I do know.”

James looked as if somebody had just killed his puppy. Before he could say anything, the redheaded woman that had tried to stop him from climbing out the window came running over. She looked beyond furious. “Harry James Potter, what the hell do you think you're doing?! Climbing out of your window?! Where were you even going? Do you have any idea how worried we were?! You are going to be grounded for years, mister! You aren’t going to be let out of the house until you’re thirty-three, young man!”

Harry mulled the name over in his head. Harry James Potter. That sounded right, and both set off instincts agreed. That must be his full name.

James hurriedly stopped the woman from stomping any closer to Harry. “He doesn’t recognize us, Lils...”

The woman immediately paled and turned to Harry with wide eyes. “You don’t remember us?”

Harry didn't bother with an answer. Instead, he widened his stance, ready for an attack since he couldn't run away. It would be two against one, but he would put up one hell of a fight.

"I'll floo Severus," the woman said faintly before running back to the house. 

James tried to step closer to Harry but froze when Harry immediately backed up and raised his wand threatening. “Okay,” James said quietly, “So, you obviously don’t remember or trust me. What do you remember?”

“Why should I tell you?” Harry snarled. He didn’t like this at all. He was trapped with people he didn’t trust. They were  _ lying _ . A part of him was screaming at them, beyond furious for some reason. The other part of him trusted the older look alike, but there was a hesitancy from that part that had him nervous. Since one side was furious at the mere sight of this man and the other hesitant to trust him fully, Harry  _ couldn’t  _ trust this man.

James  hesitated for a moment. “Because I’m your father.”

“LIAR!” Harry shouted furiously before pausing. Why had he said that? It was entirely possible, even probable, for this man to be his father. But a part of him was furious at the man for saying that. It was adamant that this man was a liar. That he couldn’t be trusted. And the fury and pure rage from that part of him outweighed the other part that felt like the man was telling the truth. “How dare you say that! You’re lying!”

James jumped back in shock, confusion apparent on his face. “Is there any way for me to prove that you can trust me?”

“Throw me your wand,” Harry said immediately. He didn’t want this man armed in any way.

James drew his wand without hesitation and stepped closer to Harry to hand it to him. Harry jerked back, trying to maintain the distance between them. “I said  _ throw _ it to me, not hand it to me. Don’t come any closer!”

James immediately stopped moving. “But,” he said worriedly, “If I throw my wand, it might break.”

“Well, that’s just a chance you’re gonna have to take,” Harry snarled. He felt like the man was stalling. 

James nodded with reluctance and carefully tossed his wand as lightly as he could to his son. Harry snagged it out of the air and pointed both wands at James. “Do you have any other weapons?”

James shook his head no. Harry narrowed his eyes. “Why do I doubt that? Empty your pockets.” Harry paused when he saw a slightly frustrated look pass over his look alike’s face. “ _ Now! _ ”

The man hurriedly turned out all his pockets, revealing he truly didn’t have anything threatening on him. All that fell out was a few coins and scraps of paper. “Satisfied?”

“Never,” Harry replied with a slight smirk.

James rolled his eyes. “Now that you know I’m unarmed, why don’t we go back inside so we can fix you up. We need to check you for any...other adverse effects from the potion, and you probably need a pain reliever because of the ward.”

Harry shook his wildly and backed away from the man. “No. Not gonna happen! I’m not gonna let you mess with my head any more than you’ve already have!”

“Harry, we haven’t messed with your head! We haven't done anything at all! We're your parents; we would never hurt you!"

"You're lying! I know you're lying! You're messing with my head, trying to make me trust you, but let me tell you, that’s not gonna work!"

James sighed as he glanced over his son's shoulders and gave a slight nod. Harry's eyes widened, but before he could do anything somebody shouted something behind him and his world went dark.

* * *

         The next time Harry awoke, he wasn't alone. A young woman with bubblegum pink hair was sitting at the foot of his bed, filing her nails. The girl hummed quietly as she looked at her nails before shaking her head slightly and twirling her fingers. Harry watched as her nails changed to a dark green color and lengthened into talons.

"Impressive."

            He couldn't hold back a chuckle when the girl jumped. She pouted before grinning widely at the boy. "I should have known the son of a Marauder would be able to surprise me. I wasn't expecting you to wake up so soon. Siri hit you with a pretty powerful stunner. If it was me, I would have been out like a light for _ ages. _ "

Harry cocked an eyebrow at her. She was a strange one, but both sets of instincts liked her. A part of him felt like he just knew her in passing, but the other part of him felt like there was a deeper connection between them. Harry tried to decipher the strong feelings of friendship and melancholy that was coming from that side of him, but it didn't make much sense. He decided to trust her...for now.

"Soooo....." The woman said awkwardly, "Heard your mind's gone all wacky. Not thinking straight, eh?"

Harry snorted. "That's one way of putting it."

The girl flopped down beside him on the bed. “So, how wacky is it? Is it like, ‘you remember nothing’ wacky or is it ‘you can remember certain things, but not people’ wacky?”

“Um…” Harry tried to tell if she was serious, but she seemed to want an answer so he continued. “More like ‘I remember too much’ wacky.”

Her eyes widened. “Now, this is interesting! I’ve never heard of that!”

“Yeah, well. It’s not all that pleasant. I feel like my brain is trying to bash its’ way out of my skull.”

She made a sympathetic sound. “I bet that hurts.” She paused for a moment, gnawing on her lip before she changed topics. “So I heard you don’t remember your Pops.”

“I...don't know if I remember him. I know I don’t trust him.”

She nodded before saying hopefully, “Do you remember me?”

Harry cocked his head. Did he remember her? He had two sets of feelings about her and both were positive. Surely, there was a set of memories to go with the feelings. Harry scrunched his eyes tightly closed and tried to think. Who was she? What was her connection to him?

Something about her stood out to him. Harry thought for a moment before it struck him.  _ The bubblegum pink hair! _ There was only one person he knew with that shade of hair. His eyes popped open. “Tonks! Nymphadora Tonks! You’re a metamorphmagus and so is your son!”

Tonks smiled brightly when he first said her name, but it turned to confusion when he mentioned her son. “You got the name part right, but I don’t have a son, Harry.”

Now it was Harry’s turn to be confused. He could remember clearly Tonks having a son. He remembered holding a little boy with turquoise hair and amber eyes. But at the same time, he felt like she didn’t have a son. It was a very odd sensation. “Are you sure?” Harry asked eventually, “You’re not messing with me and lying about not having that blue-haired little boy, are you? If so then that is messed up! Lying to a guy whose memories are mixed up is just wrong, Tonks.”

“Na, I’m not lying. Although it would be cool to have a kid with my abilities! And the kid you described sounded awesome! I can just imagine a little blue haired squirt running around, getting into mischief!” She paused before saying as an afterthought, “I should try blue hair!”

Harry watched as she scrunched up her nose and changed her hair from pink to a bright aquamarine blue before shaking his head. “His was more of a turquoise color.”

Tonks grinned. “I’m liking this kid more and more! How ‘bout this?”

She scrunched up her nose again, and her hair faded into the right shade. Harry smiled slightly. Now that he was looking at the metamorphmagus with turquoise hair, he felt a twinge of sadness. “Yeah. That’s the right shade.”

“Cool! I think I’ll keep it this color for a bit. I like it.”

Harry nodded quietly, picking at the Gryffindor blanket covering him. “Not to be rude, but what are you doing here?”

Tonks winced slightly. “Well, you see, your ‘rents wanted someone to look after you in case you woke up. They thought I was the best pick since I’m closer to your age than everybody else.”

Harry could fill in the rest. They didn’t want him sneaking out again, and they were afraid if one of his so called ‘parents’ guarded him, he would attack them. 

He jerked when he heard loud yelling coming from downstairs. 

“Um…” Tonks gave him a worried smile before she ran to the door. “I’m going to go check that. You stay here.” And just like that, she disappeared out of the room.

Harry huffed. Like he was honestly going to stay here. The window was closed; he doubted they would leave it unlocked after the stunt he pulled so that only left one other option. The door. He sat up on the bed and tried to step onto the floor, but as soon as his feet touched the carpet, he was shocked. “Ouch,” Harry said before grumbling, “What do they think I am? A dog they can zap when I don’t do what they want?”

Harry grumbled before firmly planting his feet on the ground. He could handle this. It wasn’t too bad and certainly not the most painful thing he’d felt in his life. He quickly made his way towards the door in the hopes that he could listen in on whatever conversation the people downstairs were having. He silently cracked it open.

“I’m telling you he hated me! He kept screaming about how he couldn’t trust us!”

“He doesn’t hate you-”

“I could understand if hates you.”

“Severus!”

“And you say he didn’t recognize you?”

“I don’t know. He just went on and on about how ‘I was lying’!”

“Are you sure you don’t know what that potion was?”

“Not yet, no. I haven’t finished trying to remake the potion. Until then, I won't know what its effects are.”

“Who cares about the potion! I want to know  _ why _ my godson was found dead in the bathtub!”

“But can’t you tell us  _ something _ about it!”

“Lily, I don’t want to tell you any of the ingredients until I can recreate the entire potion!  

“Oh God, something bad was in the potion, wasn’t it?! What was in it?!”

“Why are we talking to Snivellus of all people?”

“Snivellus? Where did that name come from?”

“Why is your hair blue?”

“I’m not going to tell you! You know that the effects of certain ingredients change when they are added to potions!”

“I don’t want to sound insensitive, but this isn’t exactly Order business. Why did you call us?”

“You just now noticed I changed my hair color? You’re supposed to be one of the top Aurors!”

“He hates me, Remus! You should have seen him. He was ready to attack me! He even went as far as to  _ threaten  _ me with my own wand!”

“Tell me, Severus!”

“Fine! I know the potion contained hemlock and belladonna, but that doesn’t mean anything, Lily!”

All conversation stopped with that line. It was dead silent downstairs. Suddenly a sob broke through the quiet.

“Oh, Lily don’t cry. You heard Snape! The effects change in different potions!”

“Oh, come on, James! Don’t delude yourself! Those are two of the deadliest poisons known to man. Why else would he make a potion with those two ingredients?” The woman broke down crying. “Are we bad parents?”

A man, James he was assuming, shushed her quietly. “We’ll figure something out. We’ll fix this. I promise.”

“Umm…” a voice Harry recognized as Tonks said hesitantly, “I know this is bad timing, but Harry’s awake and I kinda left him upstairs to check on all the yelling. What exactly should I do with him?”

“YOU LEFT HIM UPSTAIRS BY HIMSELF!!”

“Jeesh, Lily, you’ve got a set of lungs! And it’s not like I didn’t take precautions! I charmed the window shut and put a spell on the floor so he couldn’t walk on it!”

“But, Tonks, he’ll get around that somehow! He  _ always _ finds a way to sneak out! I’m gonna go check on him.”

Harry quickly scrambled up and back to his bed when he heard James say that. Pulling the covers tightly around him, Harry relaxed as he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

The door creaked open slightly. Harry made sure not to move and kept his breathing as even as possible. Slowly the door creaked back shut, but this time, Harry heard the lock click in the door.

Harry huffed and scowled. He doubted he would be able to unlock it without his wand. Since the door was closed, he wouldn’t be able to hear what they were talking about downstairs, either. He ran a hand through his hair before pausing. This would be the perfect time to sort out what the hell was going on with his head.

Everything was confusing. His memories were all jumbled together. It didn't help that his memories didn't agree with each other. He even had duplicates of memories. But everything was vague, and he couldn't remember all the details. None of it made sense. 

Harry’s eyes snapped open when he heard the slight jiggling of the doorknob. It sounded like someone was picking the lock. Harry quickly went back to feigning sleep. The lock clicked and the door slowly creaked open.

“Harry?” a voice whispered quietly.

“Is he awake?” a girl asked. Harry’s eyes snapped open again. He knew those voices.

“Harry!” The two squealed as they jumped on the bed, unaffected by the charm on the floor. It must only hurt him then.  The duo that had broken into his room were a small, redheaded boy and a young (tiny) black haired girl. The girl was clutching a stuffed dragon as if her life depended on it. “Are you okay, Harry? Mummy and Daddy said you were very, very,  _ very _ sick, and that you weren’t allowed to come out of your room. Are you better now?”

Harry smiled at the girl. He liked her; she was very kind and caring considering she could only be about three or four years old. There was a strong pull towards both of these children from the set of instincts that really hadn’t had any strong emotions as of yet. But Harry felt as if he adored the two on his bed even though a part of him didn’t know who they were. He had been ruled by whichever emotion was strongest all day, and right now that emotion was a strong love for the two children in front of him.

“Yes. I’m…better.” He chose to ignore the fact that he had a splitting headache.

The redheaded boy looked at Harry worriedly. “Do they know what was wrong with you?” 

“Umm…” Harry wasn’t quite sure how to answer this. After all, he still couldn’t figure out what was going on with his memories, and he was pretty sure the adults downstairs were the ones that messed with his head. “They’re still working on it,” Harry eventually said, “But they think they know what caused it.”

The girl crawled over to him and curled up in his lap. “I knew you’d be okay, Harry. You always turn out okay.”

The boy still looked concerned. “Were you sick because of the potion you brewed?”

Harry stiffened. He didn’t really know what the other boy was talking about. “Potion?”

“The potion you were brewing! Did you make a mistake while making it? You kept out most of the ingredients, and you’ve always said that certain ones go bad if they’re left out so I thought…” The boy trailed of uncertainty.

“I don’t think whatever this is was caused by the potion,” Harry lied. The potion he had brewed was probably the reason his mind was such a mess. He really needed to know what he had been trying to make. Glancing around the room, he quickly realized that if he had brewed it in his supposed bedroom than it had been moved. “Where did I put the potion?”

The boy looked at him oddly. “Don’t you remember? You collapsed before you could put it away.” Harry paled. Whatever he had been brewing, he did  _ not  _ want his so called parents finding. The boy smiled suddenly, startling Harry from his thoughts. “But I hid it in my room! I didn’t want you to get into any more trouble since we’re not supposed to make potions in our rooms.”

Harry smiled in relief. “Thanks-” He paused when he realized he didn’t know the little boy's name. He quickly began to rack his brain. He  _ knew  _ this boy, but who was he? Everything from his auburn curls to the way he was sitting on the bed was familiar. A name came to the forefront of his mind. “...Julian,” Harry finished hesitantly.

The boy gave him a bright smile which Harry took to mean he hadn’t messed up on the boy’s name. “You’re welcome! What were you making anyway? It must have been important if you were making it in your room.”

“Umm...It was just a project of mine. I was trying to make my own potion.”

Harry wasn’t sure if the boy would buy the excuse, but Julian nodded as if it was the most common thing in the world. The girl squirmed in his lap, trying to get closer to Harry. He really needed to remember her name.

“Are Mummy and Daddy still going to send you to Mungo’s,” she asked quietly, looking up at him with pale green eyes. A memory flickered before his eyes of the girl clutching a toy broomstick with a huge green bow on it, a huge smile on her face as she looked up at him with wide, amazed eyes but before he knew it, he blinked and the memory disappeared once again.

“I don’t think so. Not anymore,” Harry said eventually, ignoring the fact that he actually had no idea what she was talking about. 

“That’s good,” She whispered, “I don’t ever wanna lose you.”

Harry pulled her and Julian closer to him. He wasn’t exactly sure who they were, but he knew they were important to him. Even though Harry didn’t know much about himself or what was going on, he knew two things about himself: he knew they were in danger, and he knew he would do anything to protect the ones he loved. And right now the only people he cared about were sitting in front of him. Harry placed a kiss on both of their heads. “I don’t want to lose you two either.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Good, bad, ugly? Let me know in the comments below!  
> So Harry is in a state of perpetual confusion in this chapter. Ooops. Sorry, I'm not sorry? I'll explain how his memories are working just a little bit, though. It is easier for him to remember something if it's the same in both worlds. For example, in both worlds, he was friends (or at least friendly) with Tonks. That's why it's easier for him to remember Tonks than his own brother and sister. They didn't even exist in the somewhat canon world so that's a big difference. And to explain Teddy and calling James a liar...when Harry gets in a rush or gets extremely emotional, he'll blurt out things he didn't even realize. He doesn't necessarily have to remember it (aka James=fake James to him right now) although he can (like Teddy). It's kinda like when you get into an argument and you blurt out something really deep and personal that you didn't even think was the problem. Does that make any sense? If you have any questions, just ask me in the comments. I'll be happy to explain it better. Thanks for reading!


	7. Decisions on Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry worries about his siblings and meets a creepy new guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everybody! Here's the next chapter! I'm sorry if it's a bit short. I had more written but it was getting really long and I was no closer to finishing it than I was a week ago, so I made a chapter out of part of what I already had. Hope this'll satisfy you until I can get the next chapter out.

The trio laid curled up on Harry’s bed for several minutes before Harry froze. The loud arguing that had drifted up the stairs and into his room had begun to slowly stutter to a stop. He gently ushered the two children up and out of his room, ignoring how much they protested and the sharp pain that came with every step. Damn, Tonks. Although the pain was manageable, the curse was becoming rather annoying. “You should go back to where ever you were before you snuck into my room. Somebody is probably going to come up here to check on me, and I don’t want you guys to get into trouble because of me,” Harry whispered as he gently pushed them out the door.  

“But, Harry-” Harry cut them off with a soft glare. The two gave an identical pout and slumped. He sighed and knelt down in front of him. “Just promise me one thing.”

The children’s faces brightened immediately, and they nodded their heads excitedly. Harry smiled. “Promise me that if I tell you to run, you leave this place and go somewhere safe. Understand?”

Julian tilted his head in confusion. “But why would we have to leave? And what about you? Wouldn’t you come with us?”

“I’ll try,” Harry said with a shaky smile, “But there’s always the possibility that I won’t be able to come. If that happens, I need to know that you’ll go somewhere far away from here that’s safe.”

“But this is our  _ home _ ,” the little girl whispered helplessly, “Why would we need to leave?”

Harry ran a hand through his hair. “Things are getting a little tense around here, and I’m not sure how…” He paused before trying to force out the two words that felt like lies off his tongue. “ _ Mum and Dad _ will react to everything that’s happening. So right now, the safest place would be out of the house.”

A sudden somberness settled over the duo and they gave him a sad, serious look. Julian leant forward and gave him a tight hug. “We understand. We’ll always be there for you. Even if it means going against Mum and Dad,” Julian whispered into his ear.

Julian stepped back and pulled the girl tightly to his side. “Come on, Ivy. Let’s go to my room before one of the adults catches us.”

Harry gave a small smile and wave to the girl when she looked back at him as she hesitantly followed Julian before shutting the door. At least he had a name for the girl now. It had become increasingly frustrating going through the entire conversation with the younger children while struggling to remember their names. Harry rolled the name over in his mind. Ivy. It suited the petite girl. Her eyes shared a striking resemblance in color to the ivy that was climbing up the sides of the house. 

So lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize the talking downstairs had all but stopped. He began to search the room, looking for anything that might help the situation he had found himself in.

“Hmmm. I could have sworn Potter had said he had locked his door.”

Harry jumped and turned around to face the intruder. The man was extremely imposing. He seemed to tower over everything in the room even though he wasn’t all that tall. He looked as if he had never seen the light of day before. His skin was sallow and his dark, beady eyes were sunken in slightly. His hair was a dark, greasy black that brushed the tops of his shoulders. What topped off the man’s terrifying appearance was the long black robes he was wearing. The robes seemed to flutter behind him as if there was a breeze, but Harry knew there was nothing in the room that was causing it.

All in all, the man looked quite intimidating, but as Harry looked into his eyes, he saw a certain spark in them that showed that the man wasn’t as cruel as he tried to seem. Harry knew no truly cruel man would have that spark of caring and vigor deep down in them. But as he watched, the light disappeared leaving the man’s eyes disturbingly blank. Harry blinked. He knew what the man had done but he couldn’t exactly remember…

The man cocked an eyebrow at him. “And I thought Ms. Tonks put a charm on the floor.”

Harry shrugged. “What’s a little pain?”

The man stared at him appraisingly before flicking his wand. Harry tensed at the movement before relaxing when the pain shooting up his legs suddenly disappeared.

“I bet you’re feeling...confused right now,” the man forced the words out with a disgusted look on his face, “But we can help you.  _ I _ can help you.”

Harry snorted. “Yeah, right. Like you wanna help me.”

“Why do you think that?

Harry paused. “What?

“Why do you think that?” The man repeated. “Why do you think we are trying to hurt you?”

Harry stood there in silence for a moment. Nobody had asked him why he didn’t trust the people downstairs. To be truthful, he wasn’t quite sure himself. He was basing everything off...feelings. Harry winced internally. It was fine to listen to your gut reaction, but this, this was taking it to a whole new level. He was used to working off the facts and then letting his gut reaction help him decide what to do. Now, all he  _ had _ was his gut reaction, and it was going haywire at the moment. Harry had no idea what was going on and he  _ needed _ to know. Having all the facts might change the whole game.

“I just do,” Harry mumbled.

The man snorted. “If that isn’t the most normal thing you’ve said all day then I don’t know what is,” The man muttered to himself before saying Harry, “Is that all you’re going on? ‘You just do’?”

Harry tensed. “Yeah, well, that’s all I have!”

The man sighed and rubbed his forehead. “You’re acting purely on emotion aren’t you?” The man didn’t wait for him to answer. “Well, what do your emotions say about me? So far you’ve only had a bad reaction to your par- Lily and James. What do you think of me?”

Harry bit his lip, thinking. What did he think of this man? He hadn’t really had time to process his thoughts on the man since he first arrived. He stared at the man trying to discern his emotions. Part of him felt like he trusted the man, even genuinely liked him. It felt like Harry was close to him and that they were almost family. The other part of him had mixed feelings. There was a mixture of old hate that was dampened by a respect for the man. It was extremely odd. “I can trust you,” Harry said eventually.

Surprise flickered across the man’s face before he quickly masked it. “Can you tell me what’s wrong then? You’ve been acting strangely recently.”

Harry turned away and walked to the window. Should he trust this man? He didn’t know who the intruder was or what his agenda was, but then again, he didn’t know that about anyone right now. It didn’t seem like he had much of a choice. He needed help fast.

“I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Harry heard the man move closer. “Is there anything you can tell me?”

“Everything is a mess. My memories are all jumbled up. I have no idea what’s going on or where I’m at. I just don’t know.”

“Is it like complete amnesia or are you missing certain dates and names?”

Harry shook his head. “No, it’s not like that really. It’s hard to describe actually. It’s...It’s like I’m grasping at straws. I have these memories, but as soon as I try to remember, they just slip away. I have them; I know I do. I get certain feelings about different people, I just don’t remember why.”

The man gently grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around. Harry could just barely detect a hint of worry in his eyes. “Harry, do you remember my name?”

Harry slumped “No. No, I don’t.”

The man’s eyes widened slightly. “What do you remember?”

Harry huffed. “I told you, I don’t know! Everything’s a mess! It’s like I have too much crammed into my head that I can’t focus on one thing!”

“Your problem is not the fact that you can’t remember anything but the fact you remember too much, correct?” 

Harry nodded, unsure of what the man was getting at.

He smiled a dark smile that immediately set Harry on edge. “Have you ever heard of Occlumency, Harry?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Sorry it's so short. Please don't hate me.


End file.
